Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Boyfriend too friendly with another girl?

20 replies

anni7 · 25/02/2023 00:33

My boyfriend started messaging a female colleague outside of work a while ago. I didn’t think anything of it at first but the messages became more frequent, he started adopting the same likes/hobbies as her that he’s never shown an interest in before, he randomly made a ‘close friends’ insta story and added her to it even though they’ve only known each other a few months and don’t even work in the same office. Fast forward a while and he decides to take a new job and becomes very emotional about leaving his current one and tells me it’s because he’ll miss the friends he’s made. After a bit of prompting he fesses up that it’s really just this girl that he will miss! He said they instantly clicked and he’s never really felt that with a friend before. I question if it’s anything romantic and he says no. I asked if he was single would he be interested in her and he said yes probably. He then says that maybe he’s found this connection because our relationship isn’t 100% happy and maybe if it was then he wouldn’t have had that with her! We agree to try and get things better between us and I hope that that means he’ll stop messaging her or at the least when he starts this new job in a new city there will be no reason to message her. But no, he’s still messaging her multiple times a week even though I’ve told him I don’t like it and it makes me feel insecure. He says he doesn’t think he should have to cut off the friendship, which of course I don’t want to tell him to do that, but I just don’t understand why he doesn’t want to if he knows it’s hurting me and he says he doesn’t think they’ll ever meet up.. so what is the point in keeping up a friendship online? It’s now also got to the point that he knows it upsets me so he will never message in front of me but that just makes me feel worse. I can’t stop thinking about it literally daily and get so upset/angry if I ever catch him messaging her. Am I being a too crazy and jealous or is this a bit weird? What would you do?

OP posts:
AG247 · 25/02/2023 00:44

DUMP HIM! He has no respect for your feelings, particularly as he mentioned that he may not have been interested if he were happier in your relationship. He’s practically told you he’s not happy with you (which by the way, I doubt is anything you’ve done on your end) and is rather an excuse to get away with what he is doing.

walk away you’re worth a lot more than this!

cattygorically · 25/02/2023 01:00

Oh OP I'm sorry. He sounds like he's shopping around. I suppose in one regard it's good he's been honest with you but equally his behaviour sounds terribly disrespectful to you and you're right to say this upsets you. I think id give him an ultimatum. If he won't stop talking to her - surely they don't need to anymore since they don't work together now - you will leave and see what the reaction is.

You're not crazy or jealous. As PP says, you deserve better.

MoreSleepPleasee · 25/02/2023 01:13

Your partner is getting to know another woman and admitted he would be interested in her if you were out of the picture. Sadly I think you will be soon.

IneedcoffeeinanIV · 25/02/2023 01:25

Please don't put up with this. The fact that he even admitted that he would try it with her if he was single is absolutely horrendous. You shouldn't have to jump through hoops to make things '100%' for him when he's saying these things. You should find someone worth your while

Ghostbuster2639 · 25/02/2023 01:28

Get rid .

Zanatdy · 25/02/2023 05:25

How long have you been together? I would end the relationship personally. Is this girl in a relationship? I wonder if she was single he would be jumping at the chance. I’d feel very hurt and it would be 100% a sign that the relationship has run it’s course

MsDogLady · 25/02/2023 05:34

Anni, your BF is having an emotional affair with this OW. The elements are there: frequent contact; development of emotional intimacy/reliance; physical attraction; devaluation of the primary relationship to justify embracing the new connection; dismissal of partner’s feelings.

This is emotional cheating, Anni. He has opened a window to OW and is giving more to her and less to you. He’s a cake eater who enjoys having 2 adoring women in his ego triangle. Please don’t do the pick me dance for his crumbs.

I wouldn’t tolerate his blatant disrespect and disloyalty for one more minute. It would be game over. However, if you are determined to stick with him, he needs to cut off OW immediately, and seriously invest in your relationship.

Banchory · 25/02/2023 05:39

Well if you don’t leave you’ll be dumped anyway soon.

GoodChat · 25/02/2023 07:16

How do you even know he's still messaging her? I have no idea who my DP messages.

Has he made the effort to improve your relationship?

mumof31968 · 25/02/2023 08:41

Get rid my dd1 boyfriend was over friendly with her best mate, to cut a long story short he ended up beating my daughter up when she found out. Now they have a baby to be honest I'm glad she's got rid of him.

Aprilx · 25/02/2023 09:26

No you are not being crazy or jealous. He is pursuing his next relationship right under your nose. You might as well dump him now because it is only a matter of time before he ends things, I am quite surprised he hasn’t already.

Tigp · 25/02/2023 09:45

Dump

Needanewnamebeingwatched · 25/02/2023 09:48

You're second best

Find someone else and be number one

aurevoir · 25/02/2023 10:34

I put up with a situation just like this for about a year. It made me jumpy and anxious and every time he picked up his phone, my heart would sink as I'd worry who the message was from and what it said.

The fact that he knows how much this hurts you but continues to do it anyway, shows he has very little respect for you. Having been in this situation (thankfully long since ended), I can tell you it's no way to live and you deserve better.

LovelyDaaling · 25/02/2023 14:00

He prefers the girl to you, there's chemistry between them.
Your relationship with him needs working at. If you were right for each other, it wouldn't be necessary.
You'll be happier if you let him go and find the right man for you.

fghj149 · 25/02/2023 16:13

Get rid! You deserve so much more.

Pinkbonbon · 25/02/2023 16:18

It seems he wants you to dump him so he can go date her and not be the bad guy.

LadyOfTheFliessssss · 25/02/2023 16:19

I'm very easy going about close female friends, but this wouldn't be ok with me. He's literally told you he has feelings for her.

I'd be making an ultimatum, if not just leaving.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 25/02/2023 18:05

Dump him yesterday !
he’s planning to cheat and will dump you if you don’t dump him first

3kidswouldfinishanyoneoff · 25/02/2023 22:10

He has no respect for you op.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread