No contact with family - help me through this.

[Ostryga]

I’ve reached my limit! I’ve just been diagnosed with epilepsy and my entire family are going on a secret (they made sure I didn’t find out) 3 week holiday that my parents paid for. It’s my parents, my brother and sister and their partners. They been planning this for over a year. I had no idea.

This is the straw that broke my back. I just can’t cope with being the one that is never invited any longer. It’s been nigh on 30 years now and I need strength to just them all to fuck off.

Sorry that you have been diagnosed with epilepsy, I hope you receive help to manage it xx how did you find out about their holiday? Have you asked your parents why you're not invited? X

@Ostryga is this a case of lifelong dysfunction? No need to even try to explain. I’ve been there. I would strongly suggest therapy with a therapist experienced in dealing with significantly dysfunctional families and taking no action until you have processed some of this. It is utterly shit dealing with all of this.

I'm so sorry OP.
That's really hurtful of them.
You deserve better than this. I think going low or no contact for your own sanity may be best way forward. Did they offer any explanation as to why you weren't invited and have you say how hurt you feel ? Do they offer any support at all with your recent epilepsy diagnosis?
I hope you have friends who can support you, like the saying goes you can choose your friends but not your family

How strange

I’m sorry @Ostryga have you got support with your epilepsy diagnosis?
Re your family, mine did similar. My parents won some money, not a life changing amount , but they made sure I knew of the things they bought for my siblings ( I got nothing, my children who were small at the time weren’t even offered a toy each) They then took my siblings on a holiday abroad with them and told me all about it afterwards. They did buy me a present — fragile glass candle holders , absolutely ideal when you live in a house with two toddlers……
Make sure you have support and go nc with them.

I have an amazing group of friends who have been my family for a long, long time so I have support.

I found out because I’m sue an MRI during the weeks they’re away and I asked mum to come with me and she was weird about it, so messaged me sister who I am super close to and she was also weird and then called my brother who was weird until I asked wtf was going on.

It just feels so fucking nasty. Like fine go on your holiday but don’t not tell me?

This is a regular occurrence. They often post cute ‘family’ things in the group chat that I had no idea about. It feels hurtful to me.

I have left the family group chat and blocked them all. I just need some space to sort my head out and this feels like the right thing to do atm.

When did this start op? Sounds like my family. I have a lifelong condition and they just never ask anything and treat me like a bloody leper. I like you reached a ‘last straw’ moment and gave up last year.

How weirdly messed up some families really are

Sorry you are experiencing this kind of shit Op

Could it be you are the 'family scapegoat' do they blame you for things for example?

I'm sorry to hear about this. I'm NC with part of my family. It's hard to understand for some unless you have expereinced the reality yourself.

Mine don't 'get' illness too and blame me for it. It's because I' 'taking drugs' or whatever thing they have made up.

This is lifelong. I had undiagnosed ADHD as a teen and found life really difficult. My mum didn’t know how to handle it so ended up kicking me out repeatedly. I mean I was a pain but I was a kid! While my brother and sister were the perfect little middle class children.

I feel a lot better about it today. I just want some space from them all and I’m sick to death of being treated like shit and just putting up with it for reasons I can’t tell you.

Hope you’re ok op. It’s definitely hard for people to understand. I used to get kicked out too; straight A student no bother. Had all sorts on my plate as a kid, abusive uncles and violence from family, horrible health diagnosis, but oh no the kid/teen is the issue. Definitely can be a scapegoat element to it. Are you the eldest?