Feeling crushed

[Defaillance]

Last year, I escaped an abusive relationship, I moved to a different part of the country and after a couple of false starts I found a job that I like and am doing well at, the problem is my moods and the way I function, I've always been a the quiet type, not a good 'mixer'...my sister, who's been very supportive felt that it would help if I joined a few local 'groups' in order to meet people, to be honest I wasn't keen but to show willing I've joined a local 'social group' and a book club....I've attended a couple of events already but I found them a bit hard going as I get fairly anxious having to socialise but I'm persevering, the problem I have is my sisters attitude to all this, she doesn't seem to understand how difficult this is for me and often loses her patience, and her temper, with me and I am at a loss as to what to do,

Today I wasn't in a good way, I was visiting a new hairdresser for the first time and got lost (I panic when going somewhere new) so when I got home I was a bit frazzled, my nephew has come to stay for a couple of days and because I was anxious I'd forgotten to get some food and drink in, he wasn't bothered and got himself a takeaway but my sister totally lost her temper and bombarded me with a series of nasty texts along the lines of pulling myself together etc..this isn't the first time this has happened and I'm getting more and more anxious, I know she thinks she's helping but it's just making me worse, am I wrong for thinking that this isn't all my fault or should I try harder to stop worrying her so much.

I would simply tell your sister to fuck off op.

Well done for all you have achieved so far.

You're doing great x you really don't need that crap from your sister. Maybe when you're nephew isn't there you could send her a message saying thanks so much for her support, you're in an anxious place and the beratings don't help. That you love her and don't want her to take your message in the wrong way but you don't need to be shouted at as you're a grown woman.

Honestly, you don't need to put up with that! I haven't been through half of what you've put in your post and I frequently haven't go dinner sorted or good stuff in the fridge. It's life, it happens. And we're surrounded by shops and takeaways so really what's the big deal?!

Keep going!

That's an extreme reaction from your sister regarding the food. I'm assuming your nephew is not a young child if he managed to get himself a takeaway sorted.
Is your sister the person you message a lot for support? Did you message her telling her about the hairdresser anxiety and the issue with the food? Just trying to think why she's so angry.
I'm wondering if she's overwhelmed by being your support network. Not saying she's right to be angry with you, but maybe she's struggling to cope with your anxiety.
You've been through a traumatic experience and sounds like you'd benefit from therapy.
Forcing an introvert to do extroverted things (social clubs etc) is not the answer but I'm guessing your sister is trying to get you to increase your support network.
Could you talk to a doctor regarding your anxiety?
It's hard to advise really as either your sister is a Tough Love type of person, or she's got compassion fatigue and hearing her son had no food was the final straw for her.
She's your sister and she loves you but maybe you need to seek outside help for your anxiety.
Some employers have an employee assistance program which offers some free counselling sessions.
I hope you manage to get some help and support, and enjoy the rest of the visit with your nephew.

Perhaps you are too open with your sister about your life. You don't have to tell her about aspects of your day - how did she know you didn't have food in?
Do you tend to put things off that you are anxious about till the last minute? It's a bad habit you can get into. If anxious about new places, work out the way well in advance. Shop for food the day before when you know you will be less anxious.
Apart from that it sounds like you might be giving her ammunition that she is only too happy to use against you.

Your sister is bad for your mental health. I don’t think you will ever get your anxiety under control with your sisters input. Your life is not her business really.
Does your sister live in the place you left or in your new town? If she lives away from you I would limit what you text her, stop sharing your anxieties with her (because she obviously doesn’t understand) and if you have social media limit what she can see. Focus on building a new life away from her.

Hi Op
I think you having been doing so well,

I think the issue is your sister sounds like she is overwhelmed at moment,
Or
Could be something else too going on in her life that she is not telling you about ,

Moving forwards I would seek /lean in to other kinds of support , good trusting friends, charities that are supportive to women and emotional well being type of thing in general,

Also definitely seek look into good therapy to address the issue or issues what sucked you into a abusive relationship in first place,
Often it is something about one's childhood or something in your past happen to you to shake your cofindence so had less self esteem,
Obviously made you that much more vulnerable in some way, /or combination of both,

Otherwise history will often repeat itself if the reasons issues of why you became involved in this type of dynamics of former toxic abusive enmeshed relationship is not addressed,

Also write down what are you comfortable with and not in any type of future relationships,
What thus looks like,
Healthy boundaries,

I also think womens Aid charity freedom programme shirt course would be beneficial to you,

Also pamper yourself such as if you can save up to have Holistic therapy treatments such hot stone massage ect ,
even half an hour will make you feel better,

Even joining a healthspa treatment place for sauna /Jacuzzis swimming pool sessions ...

Will make make you feel better too

It's worth it psychological wise

What kinds of interests do you like or curious about ?
Whatever they are try them,
When you feel better you are definitely less likely to put up with crap

It will help you know your self worth

Abusive relationshsips change whonyou are and how you handle stresses (whether complex ptsd or anxiety).

I imagine you go to your sister for support because she knows you (in that close way that siblings do) and you desperately need close support, comfort, understanding and stability. Seems like she isn't very understanding though and reaffirms the view of your abusive partner in some ways (you're overreacting, useless etc). Then you likely yoyo back and forth between needing her comfort, but not getting what you need.

I have a similar dynamic with a family member having left an abusive relationship. They don't/ can't/ don't want to understand and their reaction is one of frustration. Thing is, you won't get over the changes it made to you, though you can learn to manage the effects and put things into perspective in time.

Try your best to only expect support from her that she is able to give. Limit what you share with her.

I agree with the posters saying to focus on your wellbeing as much as you can as it will rebuild your self-esteem. You can do it - you left and can now rebuild x