gambling- trust gone forever?

[raza22]

Please help. Anyone with personal experience of gambling or being married to someone who gambles please advise. I married my husband overseas. He came to visit on a tourist visa and he has just left. I have discovered that he was using money i gave him for food/expenses etc on placing bets. He lied about it after i asked him and now admits it but says he can stop whenever he wants, it's not an addiction.
We have been saving up for his spouse visa. I work part time and also look after my 6yr old from prev r/ship. He knows we are watching the money so i am so confused and upset that he would waste money in this way. I was told he actually bets several times in a week, not large amounts but regularly.

My immediate reaction is that the trust has gone and it's over. I can't bear the idea of this problem dominating my life and it's better i don't bring him to the UK if he has this issue.....but should i try to believe him/help him? Am i being too fast to react? I love him deeply but it's the lying that scares me. Can i ever fully trust him again or will i always be suspicious?

Don't trust him. The statement about being able to stop whenever he wants is an absolute classic addicts line.

Please don't give him any more money. Trust your gut and keep your distance from him.

Please get rid of him when you can. Gamblers never stop.

thank you for ur replies.

All addicts say that. Always. Of course he's got a problem. It won't go away and it won't get better (at least not until he admits it to himself).

He'll probably bankrupt you.

Sounds a bit like he’s using you if you’re funding all his trip ‘expenses’ and paying for his visa.
Get out now while you don’t have too many ties it’s going to get worse otherwise.

Hi @raza22

He lied about it after i asked him and now admits it but says he can stop whenever he wants, it's not an addiction.

Oh this is such an addict classic.

So.... if he isn't addicted and can stop when he wants, why did he choose to squander money you gave him for food on it? Why did he lie to you? Why is he spending money on gambling when he's meant to be saving for a VISA.

EITHER he is addicted
OR he isn't addicted and decided that gambling was more important to him than his visa or food, or being honest with you.

Both scenarios mean he's not reliable, trustworthy and the gambling is more important to him than you.

Even if an addict acknowledges their addiction, it is a long, hard, uphill, slog to get over it. Many never do, sadly. Many get over it then slip back in months or years or decades later. As their partner, you will never know when that day is going to be.

But if someone denies their addiction, they aren't even going to try to beat it, and you have to accept having a parnter who is titally unreliable, lies to your face, puts their addiction first every day, and may well eventually destroy you.

I would recommend saving yourself. Life is going to be very hard if you stay with him.

He will never change. He will never stop.

Thank you for the replies. I suspected all the above but I wondered if anyone who had been a gambler would choose to defend themselves or had managed to stop. You always want to believe the best in someone you love......but i also am not kidding myself. The trust has gone. The relationship is finished.

Please, please don't take him back. He will destroy your life, just like my cousin's husband destroyed hers. She stayed for years thinking he would change and that she could help him. All he did was lie, lie, and lie some more. She lost everything, her house, all of her saving, her good credit rating, her car, everything.

Get the fuck rid and divorce immediately.

Don't bring him over, he's a gambler and even has the audacity to use your hard earned money to do it. He's also a liar. It's good that you've found out now though before you brought him over/got married/had a child with him and he really had the chance to drag you down with him.

Np. He soinds completely unreliable and irresponsible for accepting your money and spending it on gambling.

This is the reality.

Your daughter deserves so much better than an addict in her life.

Get the hell away.

He will drag you into the gutter.

He will drag your daughter into the gutter.

You have made a mistake, do NOT destroy your childs life by making him a project of him.

You cannot fix this.

Get out now.