How quick should relationship progress

[Moving92]

I will try to list the relevant details. Just wondering for thoughts and opinions on how quick a relationship should progress in these circumstances

Known dp 1.5 years, got together 3 months ago officially . I'm 30, DP is 38. I would like a child before 35. Living situations - about 40 minutes travel between us currently. He lives with parents but has substantial savings, didn't see the point in moving out alone and saved instead. I live in my own house alone, probably own about 70% of the house the rest is mortgaged. Neither of us have children. Both work from home 95% of the time. Both earn similar amounts
I would make him sign something to say he can't take any equity from the house for some time and then it would be nice if things worked out if he paid the rest of the outstanding mortgage and gets a percentage of the equity later down the line

This is all theoretical, depending on how things play out. I am interested to see what people think of the questions below

How quickly would you move in together
How quickly would you consider adding to house deeds/paying off mortgage so it's a joint asset
How quickly would you have a child

We met at 26/29, 40 min drive apart and we were spending three nights a week together by about two months in (Friday, Saturday, and a midweek). We did a trial 'living together' including moving his full WFH equipment etc in for a week and a half I think? That was after 6 months. He officially moved in after 7 months but he didn't leave between the trial and the move in, it was just giving notice on flat, sorting out a van etc.

We're now 1y8 months in and actively house hunting.

Marriage is spoken about - he wants to buy a house first, I would by default do it the other way around but I also own the flat we currently live in (mortgaged) so have agreed to do it "his" way as it's financially safer for me!

I'm generally not a move fast person and I would have been worried for a friend moving a guy in so quickly - but it was just right and we both knew it.

There's obviously plenty of time for it to blow up in my face but hell, I'm still glad I did it.

Green flags: being open to discuss me being unsure about moving in together, him being unsure about engagement so early, discussing what would happen if we broke up to make it fair, generally just communication. Discussing money. Discussing housework (before and during living together).

I wouldn't be thrilled with only one night together a week after three months.

Yes, absolutely it did. That was 18 years ago now 🙂

Basically there is no right timeline though - it's all about what's right for you guys and the best indicator of that is one of you saying what ISN'T right e.g. I'd like to see you more than once a week, it feels too soon to move in yet, I don't see our timeline happening quite the same as you do

I've had those conbersations with an ex and it was a big old problem.

With current DP it makes me feel MORE secure that he'll say what he's not happy with and actively wants to hear when I'm a bit unsure.

Unfortunately he has no experience of the time and cost involved in living as an independent adult, such as:

1. meeting the costs of running a house - utilities, Council tax, insurance, TV licence, food and regular maintenance such as decorating, boiler servicing etc
2. Undertaking restless boring domestic chores - cooking, shopping, cleaning, ironing, gardening.

At 38 he will be somewhat set in his ways! He might feel that moving in with you amounts to a drop in his living standards as he will almost certainly have less disposable cash and less free time too - assuming he contributes 50:50 to bills and chores.
Once you have protected your sole ownership of your home, why not try living together first to see if he can meet the challenges of living in partnership, if you are really compatible and to check that he is a good candidate for fatherhood?

^I got engaged to my husband after 4months, we got married after a year and then had children straight away.
We were both at a point of looking to settle down and we knew quickly we were right for each other. We've been married 27years.^

Lucky you.

Life doesn't always turn out that way though....

@Fmlgirl you do know what is happening with rentals all around the UK?

Landlords are kicking their tenants out and selling up.

This means unless you earn a lot you can't afford to rent.

Oh and most of the adults I know who live with one/both their parents or an elderly relation have lived elsewhere. It just made financial sense for them after anything from a year to several decades to move in live with parent/relation.

Has he ever lived alone? I know some older people have returned to parents since Covid, but would be more dubious about someone who's never lived outside the family home. Does he definitely want kids?