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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Aftermath of separation convo

4 replies

27penny · 23/02/2023 08:38

So i decided to tell my DH that I want to seperate. Initially he took it well and agreed we could sell the house split equity and do our best for kids. But since then as we are living together the conversation has come up a number of times. 10 years together 2 DC, a long history of man child behaviour, no help, me working full time, him being careless with money, no interest in kids etc he has started on antidepressants for anxiety. Promised everthing would be different when he realised i had one foot out the door. Now he has decided its all my fault said i was the worst wife ever, useless, devious, sly he said I am unlovable etc etc. My therapist said if he really wanted me to stay he would bend over backwards showing me he could be different. I just don't know what to do anynore. Now he says he will move to other side of country and pay maintenance cos he never wants to see me again, but also refusing to sell the house. Omg why are men like this 😭

OP posts:
Ofcourseshecan · 23/02/2023 08:49

Sorry you’re going through this, OP. But it should help you stop feeling sorry for him. Accept his offer to move away, and get the divorce started.

jsku · 23/02/2023 08:49

First of all - don’t worry. Separation/divorce is a long and difficult process and people, including you, will have up and downs along the way.
So - at this point, most likely he is just coming to terms and processing it all. And he may oscillate many times before coming to some sort of acceptance and practical planning.

So - as much as possible - just ignore and continue the course. It’s early days - so let him do his thing as his mind is trying to make sense of the changes.

I have lived through 2 years of contentious divorce with my ex, so I know how bad it can be. Just hang on.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 23/02/2023 15:48

Great reflection from @jsku

You’re absolutely doing the right thing. Just buckle up for a couple of years of reorganisation, focus on the children and push through the formal processes of separation.

27penny · 24/02/2023 09:27

Thanks so much. Sadly I can see why people choose to stay despite the circumstances, it is difficult to navigate.

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