Hello good people of mumsnet. I doubt that many will remember me, but I started a thread here several months back asking for advice. I was interested in a European woman who was 10 years younger and who had a live-in boyfriend. Her and I would make small-talk weekly for 6 months, but she would never make mention of her boyfriend. Here was the thread:
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4688284-how-would-you-read-this-scenario?page=1
*In an attempt to prevent this from turning into a ridiculously long novel, I'm going to try to do my best to be as brief and on point as possible. Please feel free to ask any questions if you have any.
Fast forward to shortly after the holidays. A co-worker of hers asked me "Did you hear [insert her name] and her boyfriend broke up"? I was stunned as I was not aware. He said, "Yeah. Apparently it happened a month ago. She moved out and got her own condo. Not saying anything is there, but thought that you might like to know that." This sort of made sense as she invited me out for drinks with her and a couple of her co-workers on Christmas Eve. As usual, there was no mention of her boyfriend, but I did wonder why she wasn't home with him given the holiday. This was noteworthy as it was the first time that she ever invited me anywhere. It was a nice, fun evening with her and a couple of her co-workers. Not much beyond that.
Since she hadn't said anything to me about the potential breakup, I wasn't going to bring it up with her. However, several days later, I caught her finishing up her shift at her place of work and she mentioned that she needed to stop next door at a card shop so she could get her Dad a birthday card. I said, "if you don't mind, I'll join you." She responded, "Yes. Come with me." While at the card shop looking at cards, almost out-of-the-blue, she said, "Do you know what I need? I need a date." I was pretty shocked. Honestly, it took me a minute to process. Wanting to be sure that she said what I thought she did, I said, "What do you need?" She reiterated that she could use a date. She clarified that she wasn't looking for a nice dinner type of date, but wanted to go and do something fun. She said, "I'd rather not come up with whatever it is either." A long story short, I expressed that I would be interested and said that I would get back to her with a potential plan.
Fast forward: Despite her agreeing to the plan that I suggested and referring to it as "amazing" we have yet to actually have that date. It was more of a day trip kind of thing and maybe she wasn't ready for that, or maybe given her limited time off and her being involved with moving, some repair work, and buying new things for her condo, maybe those plans haven't quite yet fit the schedule. I don't know.
With that said, a couple weeks after me suggesting those plans, we did get together locally at a nearby town center. I offered to provide some feedback at a local store on some items that she needed for a home repair and she took me up on the offer. Our afternoon together was about 4.5 hours. Only the first 45 minutes or so were related to me providing feedback. The remainder of the time was just walking around a town center, talking, and having a nice lunch. Overall, it seemed like everything went well.
During this lunch was the first time that she ever opened up about her ex-boyfriend. They were together for 6 years. She didn't say why they broke up, specifically, but did mention a couple of things that she considered to be deal-breakers. She mentioned that she wanted to be married and having kids at this point in her life, not single and having to start over. After coming out of a long-term LDR last year myself, I could semi-relate with what she was feeling. At one point during lunch, she asked me what my interest was in having more children. I am 11 years older than her and have 1 child.
Fast forward to the day before Valentine's Day. I received a text from her asking what my availability was for V-Day morning. She suggested a "coffee date" at the beach. Overall it seemed like a really great time. The conversation seemed to flow freely and it was a really nice morning, overall. At least twice during the date she mentioned feeling nervous around me. I asked her to clarify "nervous" and she basically responded, "not a bad thing".
At the end of the date, while siting in her car, she expressed, "I don't know what I want." To the best of my recollect, the comment didn't seem to be in response to any specific thing that I said (at least I don't think). She said something along the lines of it being difficult having been in a relationship for a long time with one person (something like that). In a nutshell, I told her that I would not begrudge her in the least if she wanted to take thing slow, do her own thing for a while, or whatever it is that she decides. I told her when I came out of my long term relationship last year it was probably 3-4 months before I started even thinking about dating again.
The date ended with her giving me a hug. As she was getting back into her car, she said, "When I said nervous earlier, all I meant was, like, butterflies."
SO, how would you read this? "Is "I don't know what I want" a nice way of letting someone down? Some additional info: Prior to me going on this date, I expressed to a friend of mine that I was a little concerned with going out with her so quickly after her break-up. I thought they were together for maybe 2-3 years, but it turns out that it was a total of 6. Obviously, I wasn't going to turn down the opportunity for a date with her, but I went into this with concerns of not wanting to be the rebound guy. I really do like her. It's been a week now since our last date. I texted her later that day thanking her for a great morning and she responded by saying "Thank you!!!" And followed it up with a picture of the flowers that I gave her for V-Day. I have seen her at her work a few times since and we kind of smiled and said "hi" but no talking or texting since the date. I should also mention, when I bought her flowers the day before V-Day, I actually ran into her District Manager (woman) while buying her flowers. I was surprised when she asked me, "Are those for your girl?" (with a smile). She said, "If so, here is what she likes" and proceeded to point out some flowers. I was a bit surprised as I didn't know that she had ever really spoken to anyone about me (let alone her boss). That made me feel good.
I would appreciate some feedback from you good people of mumsnet. She would be worth waiting around for in my opinion, but based on what I described am I best served to just move on?