My DP (30m) and I (33f) have mismatched libidos. Any form of stress or tiredness and he loses interest, he needs to feel great to want sex. For me, having regular sex makes me feel great. I feel happy, loved, connected and ready to take on the stress of the world.
I support him and would never want anything other than enthusiastic consent but I’m starting to feel quite rubbish. I don’t want him to change but wonder how I can manage things better myself? I don’t use porn and don’t particularly enjoy masturbation. I also don’t really masturbate because I have hope each day that he might want to physically connect so I’d rather not have an orgasm I enjoy less alone.
We checked comparability when dating — at the beginning of our relationship he said his libido is about 3x per week in a settled relationship. I shared that my libido is some form of physical connection most days but 3x per week is lovely. In reality, it’s much less, about 2x week when there are zero stressors (which is rare). Typically, less than once a week.
Starting to feel like a shadow of my former self, less confident and happy. How can I grow to enjoy this long-term? I don’t want to separate, what can I do?