I just don't want to text him. I hate this urge

[Annabananna1]

The almost uncontrollable urge to message a guy who broke up with / ghosted me a few months back.

I feel so sad.

I just want to know why he did it.

But it also won't help me. I know I'll feel worse if I make contact. But it's such a horrible feeling.
When will it go!?

Be strong. It will pass. And when the urge comes, imagine him opening your message and smugly thinking ‘ha silly woman, l knew she would message me eventually’. And then leaving you on ‘read’.
Thats enough to put off anyone messaging!

What Annabelle says.

You worth more than this dick head.

He also won’t give you any closure op. Men like him just don’t care. It’s hard. But just let the feelings pass.

Delete all contact details from your phone to stop you. If you can’t, change his name in your phone to ‘DoNotContact’ or ‘YouWillRegretThis’. Archive WhatsApp chats if you won’t delete so there’s a barrier. Block on socials so there is an extra hurdle if you feel weak.

Pick your favourite reason not to text him eg ‘imagine the smug look on his face’ etc and repeat it when you are tempted.

Good luck.
Day 4 of resisting here. Different situation but I know it’s hard. X

Block him every single place you can. Then delete him every single place you can. DO NOT DRINK. Watch a comedian or chick flick on netflix. Good luck x

Sorry you’ve been ghosted OP, it’s a really cruel thing to do.

When my pal was chucked a few months before her wedding she had a lot of big feelings to get out of her system but she also knew the relationship was dead and there was no prospect of going back. She had things she had to say but she really didn’t want to contact him so we got a plan on the go: she’d write out whatever she wanted to say and send it to me. We’d discuss what she’d said, sometimes we’d come up with suggested amendments🤣 We only did it a few times but the upshot was, she didn’t text The Dickhead a single syllable after they went their separate ways. Total NC like a boss. Years on, she is really glad she didn’t contact him. One of her unbreakable break-up rules is ‘let the prick wonder.’

The urge is real, and I am like you; the need to know is strong, almost overpowering actually. I don’t even know you and I too kinda want to know what he was thinking. I always want to know motivations. But ultimately, he probably wasn’t thinking much, just that he wanted to end it. It’ll have 0% to do with you either. If he couldn’t face you to do it properly he’s unlikely to give you a considered answer that will lay whatever you’re thinking to rest. Worse case is he ignores your message and then that’s out there too, adding insult to injury.

Is there anyone who could be a stand-in recipient for you? My pal said it’s a bit like putting online items in your basket then not pressing buy; once you’ve pressed send, regardless of who’s reading it, the notion does disappear.

Just block
Mine reappeared 8 months later
Full of apologies , full of shit

You are not your hormones! It's just biological. Keep going. Stay strong. Find your own closure xx

Thank you all. I've been reading all your replies. And I haven't caved yet.

Especially thank you @Rinkydinkydoodle. Really good idea. I'm not sure I do have a friend. But perhaps I could send it from one email address of mine to my lesser used email address. I think writing some things down might help.

I bet he's not at home aching and itching to message me. I bet I don't even cross his mind.

If he wanted to tell you, he would have done. It's not about whether you message or not.

You could ‘send’ it by posting it here, OP. Making sure there’s nothing that would reveal your identity. You know we’ll read it with sympathy xx

When we ask why, it’s because we’re hoping for an explanation that is less hurtful than “he’s just not that into me”. But actually no explanation will solve this for you really. If a guy cares enough, he will make it happen. If it doesn’t happen, it’s either because he’s just not that into you or he’s not really available. IME it’s usually the former. In ghosting you, he has actually already told you everything you need to know, just through his actions rather than his words.

It really hurts, OP, but you will come out the other side of this and he will just become part of your history.

Been there OP many times. Don't do it, like a pp said it really means he's just not into you or is in another relationship. And it was both (at different points of time) for me.

Every time he eventually reached out and then he would ghost again and rinse and repeat. I finally put an end to it and even told him to remove me from his contacts and I removed him from mine. It's a wrap now but I still have days that I hope he reaches out but I know he has no means to now. Which is for the best. Eventually the sad feelings will go away but in the mean time I try to find other things to keep my mind busy til they do.

OP I have files on my laptop that are 1000+ words long, containing 'letters' I wrote to my ex following the breakup. I would write every single one of my thoughts - including questions I wanted answered. They would get updated as I thought of new things and processed new emotions - some weeks this would happen daily. It was really cathartic.
I always said to myself that I'd write these things then spend a month doing things for me - going to the gym, seeing friends, anything to remind me of life outside of him. If I still wanted to send it at the end of that month, I'd do so.

Nothing ever got sent. More than anything I think sometimes it's just about getting your thoughts out and letting them go into the abyss. You think getting 'answers' would make you feel better, but often they just leave you with more questions - that's if he even replies.

And now, I can answer half of the questions on these documents for myself. 'Why couldn't you be who I needed for me, like I was for you? Was I not enough?' - nope. It was always him that wasn't - same for your ex.

Soon it will be just a distant memory

You will never get answers from people like this. So no point in messaging and losing dignity.

Get rid of his number so you can’t.