I've known my dp as a friend for many years. Last year we decided on a fwb thing only for it to quickly develop into more as we felt there was more intimacy and companionship than a fwb warranted and we wanted it to continue. Things were pretty good up until Christmas and I couldn't see myself being with anyone else.
The problem is that dp is very closed off emotionally. I suspect he's on the autism spectrum. I'm someone who likes my space so I don't mind not being in each other's pockets, AT ALL, but I do miss emotional connection. When we're together, usually after sex, we talk about all sorts of stuff and it feels very intimate. It's not just about sex. He has recently said that he feels very committed to me and would even marry me.
However, more and more I'm starting to struggle and have serious doubts. We have been away a couple of times and I've noticed that when he gets stressed he completely closes down and comes across as being very moody. I had a difficult previous relationship many years earlier so I know I'm extra sensitive to this, but I want to be able to relax around my romantic partner, not feel as though I'm a million miles away and lonely.
These are two silly examples of what I mean:
We were in the car in heavy traffic and dp asked what some writing was on the the building to my left as he wanted to know what building it was. I was struggling to see (I'm short) and asked him what he meant. He said 'the DOOR' in quite a sharp, snappy tone, to which I said I couldnt even see the door from where I was sitting!
Also, we went into a supermarket for snacks. I needed the toilet. I said I'd follow him out to the car after I'd been. When I walked back out he was waiting for me with a blank look on his face, totally dispassionate, no smile or anything. He does tend to have a poker face but this bothered me.
Physically he can be very affectionate and we have moments where it feels like we are emotionally connecting too. He thinks we are communicating well. I feel very lonely around him. I don't know if I'm expecting too much because I know he was very stressed and when he feels like that he goes inward. I don't expect him to be happy all the time -that would be ridiculous.
I guess I'm confused as things felt so good but now we're going out and doing more I'm noticing how shut down he is. When we were staying somewhere he was very critical about everything and that's just not my style.
I don't know what to do because we've known each other for a long time and recently he's been saying how happy he is and how much this relationship has helped his mental health. I love the moments of intimacy and the fact we give each other space but it's not good if I don't feel relaxed around him is it? I have a history of past abuse so I'm extra sensitive to this.
We don't hold hands while out unless I initiate. He doesn't even take the nearest seat if we sit at a table of four.
I'm so sad. Please help.