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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please help me

4 replies

newbbbbb · 21/02/2023 07:07

So my foreign ex boyfriend has recently been gaslighting me after an argument over WhatsApp. We were in A long distance relationship where he was away for over 2 months and I felt like he was more distant over there with his communication than he was in the uk. He would message one message in the morning then another one 2 hours later and it would go on like this all day (so the convo felt flat) but I did notice he was always online on what's app so it made me feel less important.
I then noticed he had hidden his online status from me as he had forgotten he had my other number ( which showed me his status) and he denied doing it then he called me crazy .. and we split up. He then said he would call me and he never did and this is super hurtful considering we were together for a year. I am struggling with this break up and question my behaviour and myself 😔 or did I act like any normal woman would act in this situation ? And then I wonder how I can get over this break up .. I know i shouldn't have kept checking his status but I wondered what he was doing that was so important and it made me very paranoid ..was my gut telling me something or was I in the wrong ?

OP posts:
Dery · 21/02/2023 07:19

OP - I think you were in the wrong, to be honest, because he is allowed to have other things in his life in addition to you. He was communicating with you every couple of hours. That should really be enough. In fact - more than enough. It’s also not good for you to be hanging on for his messages the way it sounds like you were. You need a life that’s busy and bustling, too. Otherwise you become too dependent on him and it sounds like that’s what happened. You’ve split now so why keep arguing - just agree to disagree and move on with your separate lives.

JorisBonson · 21/02/2023 07:20

Block him. He's an ex for a reason.

Shoxfordian · 21/02/2023 07:22

Checking his online status like that all day was never going to help; I would find that really clingy if someone did that to me and then started asking why I hadn’t replied earlier. It sounds like you weren’t very compatible so just move on from it

Zanatdy · 21/02/2023 07:41

It’s tempting to check online status. My boyfriend isn’t much of a texter and I am. Sometimes he only sends 1 message a day. I know he’s super busy so I never say anything to him or ask him why he didn’t message me when I knew he was online. Because I’ll sound like a crazy stalker! But I get it’s tempting to check. He clearly didn’t want you seeing when he was online, chances are he was messaging other women if he was fine to end a 1yr relationship like that with no explanation. Really not nice.

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