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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's using my past mental health against me

27 replies

Iamworthit · 20/02/2023 17:50

Hi, please looking for advice.
I've recently split from my partner.

4 years ago I was in a mental health facility for pnd. I was sectioned but they let me out early because I was doing well. I have engaged with the perinatal mental health team, had therapy, been discharged. I still have a cpn. My original cpn left 18 months ago. I have never met my new cpn as I've not needed any help. I have come off my medication and I'm feeling really well, clear headed and have wanted to leave for a long time. I finally feel able to leave and told him so last week. I'm waiting to find a house to move into so we're still living together atm.

My ex is saying that I'm mental, that he's arranging a welfare check, that I cant have the kids on my own, that he isn't going to work to keep an eye on me. That I won't have the kids on my own. I've literally been doing so good.

He's phoned the cpn receptionist and asked that he do a welfare check on me.
I phoned my cpn and he said he should have discharged me ages ago! So I've arranged to go in and he will speak to me on my own and do the relevant paperwork.

My ex is telling me he will also speak to my cpn???

Is he trying to control me?

OP posts:
ShinyHappyTits · 22/02/2023 08:46

Iamworthit · 21/02/2023 20:10

Yes I was under the perinatal team with my third child as a precaution from the pnd with my second. The pregnancy, birth and once he was born have all been great, no dramas, and I was given the go ahead to reduce my medication and I'm now off them. I was discharged from their care.

Show quote history

Well that’s a different matter. If he (presumably) knows you had no issues with your third pregnancy and have been discharged, then his behaviour is pretty sinister. Threatening to restrain you if necessary when there’s clearly no need like he’s laying the groundwork for violence. Please try not to be alone with him but have a person there for safety and as a witness of how he speaks to you.

I urge you strongly to speak to your doctor asap and get this on the record. The doctor will be able to confirm that you are a fit parent to have your children. Some doctors are also trained on a program called IRIS which helps spot and deal with domestic violence which will
also help for the record. This sounds like textbook coercive control. God, some men are such total inadequate, nasty fuckers.

Original poster
Iamworthit · 22/02/2023 09:00

ShinyHappyTits · 22/02/2023 08:46

Well that’s a different matter. If he (presumably) knows you had no issues with your third pregnancy and have been discharged, then his behaviour is pretty sinister. Threatening to restrain you if necessary when there’s clearly no need like he’s laying the groundwork for violence. Please try not to be alone with him but have a person there for safety and as a witness of how he speaks to you.

I urge you strongly to speak to your doctor asap and get this on the record. The doctor will be able to confirm that you are a fit parent to have your children. Some doctors are also trained on a program called IRIS which helps spot and deal with domestic violence which will
also help for the record. This sounds like textbook coercive control. God, some men are such total inadequate, nasty fuckers.

Show quote history

Yes I have a gp appointment booked. They are phoning me on Friday.

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