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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

I don't understand men...

14 replies

Xztop · 20/02/2023 16:03

Well, this man anyway...

We have been texting for about 3 weeks, he turned up at my house with a present for valentines day so I assume that means he likes me? But has hasn't asked me out yet. Am I just being impatient or has he gone cold on me?
I have been out of the dating game for 15 years so am clueless!!!

OP posts:

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 20/02/2023 16:06

He sounds lazy. How did you meet? I'm cynically wondering if he turned up with this V-day present expecting you to drop your kecks...

Original poster

Xztop · 20/02/2023 16:09

We met through work but I never see him there anymore. He definitely didn't expect anything in return for the present as he knew dd was home and he seemed very nervous when he arrived.

OP posts:

UserNameTwo · 20/02/2023 19:21

Just ask him out for lunch if you like him OP. He's struggling to initiate but obviously likes you.

winterbegone · 20/02/2023 19:31

That's odd, it's far more effort to turn up with a present than to send a quick message to ask you out. Maybe he got the feeling you weren't interested, or could he already be in a relationship? Did you thank him by message later on?

Pinkbonbon · 20/02/2023 19:34

Never entertain texting for more than a week without them asking you out. If they've not by then then ask them out or call it a day (fade out replies).

Also, do you not think its really fucking creepy that he came to your house! I mean he's not even been on a date with you yet. Presents and house visits? ...yikes.

I think you might be dealing with some sort of attention seeking love bomber.

Pinkbonbon · 20/02/2023 19:36

Also, would suspect he isn't single as he is both coming on too strong in some ways and yet, keeping you at arms length.

JustJamie5 · 20/02/2023 20:05

He could be thinking ‘I was brave and gave her a valentines and she didn’t ask me out, maybe she’s not into me’ or something like that….. or maybe he’s just busy, or lost his phone.

If you like him, ask him out… worst case scenario he says no, or ‘ghosts’ you.

shropshire11 · 20/02/2023 20:35

The game has changed in the last 15 years. You need to initiate. If he doesn’t accept with enthusiasm, move on.

Original poster

Xztop · 20/02/2023 20:38

Fuck it, I will ask him out! Thanks for the advice

OP posts:

Opentooffers · 20/02/2023 21:11

How does he know your address? Bit of a risk if you gave it to him before you even know him much in person. He's already showing signs of odd behaviour. How old is your DD? Bit of a cheek turning up knowing she's there.

growgrowinggrown · 20/02/2023 21:14

He came with a gift for valentines day, he's made is move now it's your turn to show you're interested too!
If you like him, ask him out and sharpish before he thinks his nice gesture* has gone unnoticed.

*I say nice gesture because it is a bit mental he'd know your address, and then up, after 3 weeks. However with context this might not be so odd.

Original poster

Xztop · 20/02/2023 21:40

There is more to the story which is how he knows my address, nothing sinister, the opposite in fact! I just don't want to write anything too outing because I know at least one person from work is on here. I have known him for 6 months prior to this.

OP posts:

growgrowinggrown · 20/02/2023 21:57

Drop him a text tomorrow as ask when he's free for a drink/coffee as a thankyou for the gift then.

scoobydoo1971 · 20/02/2023 23:08

My lovely father turned up with a Valentine's present for my mother unannounced, and that was over 6 decades ago. They worked together but he never made a move in the office. He was very shy and it took all his courage to knock her door one evening. They were together for 5 decades, and have both passed away now. Life is too short for pondering. If you like him, encourage him. He made a gesture, and now you can say thanks, fancy a drink? if you like.

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