When is it too soon?

[maybabymama]

When did you start dating after a long term relationship?

4.5 months.

I think it depends massively on how the relationship ended. For some people the relationship will have been over in all but names for a long time... For others, they'll be devastated and take a long time to recover. I was more in the former... but even then felt I needed some time alone to process.

@Tuilpmouse was it 4.5 months since you broke up and he moved out? If that makes any difference

Someone once told me that a good rule of thumb is take the length of the relationship in years, double it, and that's how many months it'll take you to feel like dating again.

So if you were together 12 years, it might take 2 years (24 months) to feel like dating again.

Of course it's very individual.

Blimey - was with my ExH for 27 years - If I used that rule I'd have to wait nearly 5 Years!
Honestly - everyone is an individual and you'll know when the time is right. for my part I'd been separated - 2 years before I started dating again - started gently with OLD ie not taking it too seriously - then later found a fabulous man who'd I've been with 3 years.

Whenever you are ready and wanting to. I was dating a week after my marriage ended and tbh I could wait after being tied to the same person for years, he ended it so didn't care anyway.
Although had a short relationship after that one which ended 2 years ago and still don't feel ready to date.

4.5 months since we "broke up". 3.5 months since we lived separately... It was an amicable split so the month it took to arrange was ok.

Also those who have an ok relationship with your ex. Did you tell/mention it to them?

My ex and I broke up in December, he was on the apps immediately as it was my decision to end the marriage. He met his gf 3 months later.

I was dating and single but not celibate almost immediately, but only after 2 years did i mention i had a new bf

Was a few weeks after my 3year relationship ended. 8 months after my 12 year marriage ended.

I think it depends on different things. My ex is someone who moves on fast. He moves on to the next person about a month or two after his last relationships have ended. He told me he just doesn't hang on to those feelings and when he's done with someone, he's done.

On the other hand for me it will depend on how I felt about the person. My first LTR took me many years to get over and we only together 4 years. The LTR relationship before my ex I was over him in about a year, we were together for 3 years.

And with my recent ex it's weird as we were together for 3 years and off and on for about 7 and I recently called it quits. Even tho that's the longest relationship I've had, I don't think it will take me too long to get over him as I didn't love him like I loved my other long term exes.

So to me it depends on you and if you are the type to hold on (like me!) or move on quickly, how you feel about the other person, how long you were together, and the nature of your relationship.

I don't have a good relationship with my ex - I didn't tell him i was starting to date - why would I? In any event I saw his profile on Tinder anyway - so he was obviously dating when I was.

I did tell him I had met someone special just before I introduced the kids too new BF - a I thought that was a curtesy - but I found out months later that he'd already introduced the kids to a new girl way before I did.
Your ex has no business knowing what you are doing so no need to tell them I don't think until you get to the point of introducing kids to new person in your life - and then it's only as a curtesy. But that probably depends on your kids ages - mine are fairly independent teenagers.

@Newusername21 mine is under 2 so I guess it would be nice to let him know before I actually introduce her to special someone