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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The impossible choice/leaving my husband

5 replies

Boymom93 · 20/02/2023 11:59

First off I want to start by saying my husband of 4 years is a good man. He has always loved me and is a good father. Unfortunately for the past 2 years he is unable to have sexual intercourse due to long term untreated diabetes. This issue has taken its toll on me as a 29 year old woman in a sexless marriage. We have became best friends and thats how I view our relationship. He told me to please find myself another man on the side to fulfill my sexual desires since he can no longer. Well I did I've been seeing someone now for a while and feelings have developed. We have fallen in love with each other and desire to be together. My husband says I have to choose either him or my lover. I think I'm going to leave my husband. I need neutral opinions and advice because I really don't have any friends. There is more to the story that complicates things this other man is 20 years my senior, he is a long time family friend. I am currently pregnant and there's a small possibility that it could be my lovers child but my husband wants to assume it's his even knowing that. My husband and I did an insemination to attempt to get pregnant and at the same time I was sleeping with my lover but with protection. This was during the time I thought our marriage was ok before the ultimatum my husband gave me to choose. Help me!

OP posts:
nc1013 · 20/02/2023 12:02

My husband and I did an insemination to attempt to get pregnant and at the same time I was sleeping with my lover but with protection. This was during the time I thought our marriage was ok before the ultimatum my husband gave me to choose.

But even before your husband gave you the ultimatum you were in love with the other man. Why on earth would you attempt to get pregnant by your DH while in lives with and/or sleeping with someone else?

Boymom93 · 20/02/2023 12:11

No at that time there were no feelings we were just sleeping together

OP posts:
NoDatingForOldMen · 20/02/2023 12:25

If you are almost 30, your lover must be 50ish ?, how does he feel about being a possible father/ stepdad at that age ?

rockingbird · 20/02/2023 12:37

Hmm is your 50 yr old lover single or we looking at a double whammy here? Either way your husband is losing. Your still young, have a hard think about skipping off with a much older man!

mummymeister · 20/02/2023 12:41

what a mess and there is now the possibility of bringing a child into the middle of it. will it be your first child? are there are others. you have played with fire here and you have got burnt unsurprisingly. so now you need to be an adult and sort this mess out. if you dont want to stay with your husband then dont. make plans to leave asap and make a clean break of it. this has to be independent of what you do or your feelings towards the OM.

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