Why are they so hostile and even aggressive when they're having an affair?

[BlastedPimples]

I now believe my stbexh has had several affairs over the years.

I knew of one in 2014. He begged forgiveness, said it wasn't sex etc. Idiot me believed him.

Then from 2019 there followed several years of on and off utterly vile behaviour - verbally abusive, dismissive, generally awful and hostile. But there were three significant family bereavements during that time and I put it down to that.

Until last October when he was screaming in my face over nothing for over two hours and it culminated in a physical assault. He's being prosecuted for that assault.

I have since found out he was having another affair. And I am certain now there have been at least three others since 2019 given the similarity in behaviour.

He completely believes and tells everyone it is me who was emotionally abusive and he couldn't take anymore.

Divorce is imminent thank god. As is poverty because he'll be a shit about finances.

But why? Why not have your affair, declare you're in love with someone else and just fuck off? No violence. No drama. No nothing. Or do they thrive on drama?

I've had a similar experience, apparently I'm a menopausal deranged ex wife.. no mention of my stbexh double life when he tells people we've split. Totally rewritten the whole dam shit show! I have no answers I'm afraid- but at least it's not just you ☺️

Guilt. They are the lowest of the low,they know it and they know you know it too,That doesnt sit well with them knowing that so they use other tactics to justify hurting you by being mean and aggressive. All bad decisions but its easier for them trying to live with themselves and their actions.But it is Guilt every time. If they can emotionally grind you down and make you hate them once they get a reaction it absolves them of guilt in their own twisted minds and then they can say how badly they were treated by you,

You have to de-humanise a victim to inflict hurt on them.