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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Still feeling upset about friend

6 replies

citygirl1961 · 19/02/2023 18:32

Hi I posted on here recently about a close friend who lost her husband in October and has always been awkward and hard to please.

The recent thing is last weekend she asked me to go to her house to help her sort something out at home. So again I got two buses to get there only to be told she didn't feel up to doing the job and can do it by herself anyway. Had I known that I would have suggested meeting half way.

She did cook for me which was good of her but then she made the comment that I now owe her two meals. I explained that I have offered already to cook for her at my flat or treat her to lunch in town but she said the weather is too cold so maybe when it gets warmer.

She also told me that her other friend has invited her to go away with her and another friend in March and then commented about the holiday I'm going on in March with another friend of mine and said that we all could have gone. I explained that the holiday was booked when she was caring for her husband and she couldn't have committed to it anyway and she agreed

So this morning I get a usual chatty text from her but then she tells me how this other friend is supportive and knows how she feels and has even invited her on holiday. I just feel its a dig at me.

She's all for this other friend now which is fine. I've got other friends too but I don't compare them with her. Every time I suggest us meeting up she's not interested unless it's near where she lives yet she meets this other friend halfway I don't know how to reply to her latest message. I don't want to upset her but I want to remind her that I've tried to be supportive too. Or am I over thinking things?

OP posts:
Beebumble2 · 19/02/2023 18:44

I’d just bide your time, give her some space and reply to text in a positive way.
She will be grieving and maybe focusing on one friend in particular is a way of coping.
If you want to remain friends, don’t take her behaviour too personally.

YerArseInParsley · 17/03/2024 22:26

citygirl1961 · 19/02/2023 18:32

Hi I posted on here recently about a close friend who lost her husband in October and has always been awkward and hard to please.

The recent thing is last weekend she asked me to go to her house to help her sort something out at home. So again I got two buses to get there only to be told she didn't feel up to doing the job and can do it by herself anyway. Had I known that I would have suggested meeting half way.

She did cook for me which was good of her but then she made the comment that I now owe her two meals. I explained that I have offered already to cook for her at my flat or treat her to lunch in town but she said the weather is too cold so maybe when it gets warmer.

She also told me that her other friend has invited her to go away with her and another friend in March and then commented about the holiday I'm going on in March with another friend of mine and said that we all could have gone. I explained that the holiday was booked when she was caring for her husband and she couldn't have committed to it anyway and she agreed

So this morning I get a usual chatty text from her but then she tells me how this other friend is supportive and knows how she feels and has even invited her on holiday. I just feel its a dig at me.

She's all for this other friend now which is fine. I've got other friends too but I don't compare them with her. Every time I suggest us meeting up she's not interested unless it's near where she lives yet she meets this other friend halfway I don't know how to reply to her latest message. I don't want to upset her but I want to remind her that I've tried to be supportive too. Or am I over thinking things?

I know this is a few weeks old but I wanted to reply.

My nice had a friend, her Mum died. My nice was there for her friend constantly, staying with her, going out with her etc then this friend announces on fb how supportive this other friend has been to her through her time of grieving. It was a slap in the face for my niece.

Your friends comment about dinner, you went there to help her, you took 2 busses to get there to be told you're not needed, the least she owns you is dinner. Next time she mentions it ask her for the bus fare.

How has things been the past few weeks?

I know she's still grieving but I'd back off a bit.

Aquamarine1029 · 17/03/2024 22:30

has always been awkward and hard to please.

And she won't be changing. You don't owe her anything, and friendships aren't supposed to make you feel bad. You can end this relationship, and I suggest you do.

Seaoftroubles · 18/03/2024 15:07

She sounds quite passive aggressive. You say she's always been awkward and hard to please so nothing's changed really! You're not overthinking things, her coments about the new friend etc sound deliberately unkind, l would just try to ignore them and start to dial down contact.

QueenBitch666 · 18/03/2024 16:46

I'd back away from the friendship. She sounds quite unpleasant

NotQuiteNorma · 18/03/2024 17:30

YerArseInParsley · 17/03/2024 22:26

I know this is a few weeks old but I wanted to reply.

My nice had a friend, her Mum died. My nice was there for her friend constantly, staying with her, going out with her etc then this friend announces on fb how supportive this other friend has been to her through her time of grieving. It was a slap in the face for my niece.

Your friends comment about dinner, you went there to help her, you took 2 busses to get there to be told you're not needed, the least she owns you is dinner. Next time she mentions it ask her for the bus fare.

How has things been the past few weeks?

I know she's still grieving but I'd back off a bit.

A few weeks? Try a year.

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