The downsides of divorce?

[AnythingConsidered]

I think I'm at the end of my 25 year marriage. Lots of reasons, but after 3 incredibly tough & lonely years, I don't want to face another.

If I'm honest, I've been romanticising about separating for 6-9 months - even visiting a divorce solicitor at the beginning of the year to get my facts sorted - but have been too scared to take action.

For background, one child at 6th form & I am the main earner. We would have enough in the family pot for us to each be housed in appropriate accommodation (though I would carry a mortgage)

I've read all the stories on MN about how freeing it is to end a poor long term relationship, but I'd like to hear the downsides too... What is the part that you dislike the most (even if you wouldn't change it for the world?)

The fallout was painful, expensive and mentally broke me. Plus side, I'm totally free to do what I want, answer to no one, plan days, meals, holidays etc that suit ME !
Kids are happier and ex is now an alcoholic.
DO IT !

The break up of the family unit. I've always found that tough.

The fall out is definitely a big reason for holding me back, I don't want to put our daughter in the position of 'choosing' where to live & I am certain he will be difficult / struggle with the change.

And that's before I think about living together whilst the house and financial order gets sorted :-(

We couldn't afford to run 2 houses and he was the main parent (even though DD has just turned 17 & spends most of their time with me)

@Justmeandme19 & @blossomandwonder did you both live with your exDH or did one move out?

He moved out, well he was told he had had to move out as he became more and more abusive.
How ever many people co habit until one of them can afford to move out.

You need to be 100% financially independent forever more, there is no safety net, there is no pension fund from exH whose career was not hindered by pregnancy or maternity leave.

Many people are mysogynistic and blame the woman or ridicule the woman if she remains single. They are jealous or fearful of the example you set.

Bored people gossip and create gossip about you, as you are a threat to their homogenous world.

The dating pool is grim.

You can be left to your own devices as people don't want to interfere or take sides, or take the man's side.... People can be aloof with you.

All of your bills are 100% your own, all holiday expenses your own.

You lose the in laws, even though they might be no loss. The handmaid's classify you as the self serving woman and people can run with that narrative and obliquely punish you.

When you change jobs, you have to navigate all new people and discreetly indicate you are no threat to anyone else's relationship..... Because single women can be a threat and a target for jealousy.