i got made redundant last year from a job I really loved. It took a toll on my mental health, the job searching, the stress, the money, the rejections from all the jobs I was applying for, and Christmas was right around the corner. At the same time my partner got a promotion, and I was so happy for him and he was over the moon but I was really struggling with my own misfortunes, but I never showed it so as not to dampen his parade.
I managed to find a new role but it’s not right for me, I’m looking for something else but I had to take something that came up quickly. I thought it would be a good move for my career, more responsibility, but slightly less money (I didn’t have time to be picky). But it’s having such an effect on me, I have 70min commute each way everyday, my partners alarm wakes me up at 5:45am every morning and I cannot get back to sleep until I need to be up at 7am, work is stressful, long, I barely manage a lunch break, traffic is bad, the drop in money is even more significant than I thought and I’m barely making ends meet. I get home shower, and have dinner and it’s 7:30pm. I get this is normal, but after an hour or so I’m falling asleep on the couch every night before 9pm. I barely make it to the gym, i don’t eat well, I have no time to see friends and at the weekend I have Saturday to myself to run errands or try to relax as Sunday I play sports which I’m even struggling to make through lack of motivation and feeling unwell and run down. I don’t want a violin or sympathy - but I am struggling to juggle my mental health, my job, my physical health and my relationship and my motivation for life is just out the window.
my partner is wonderful, looks after the house, cooks and takes a huge burden off me (he works 7-3pm so has a lot more time for himself and to decompress before seeing me) and I am so thankful and I tell him all the time. We try to do something nice on a Saturday even if it’s a meal and a walk to make sure we have at least a day of quality time together.
lately he’s said we don’t have enough sex and feels the intimate side has gone, his love language is physical touch and he needs a lot to feel secure, and in all honestly sometimes when Im exhausted or had a bad day the last thing I want is someone hanging off me when I’m washing my hands in the kitchen. But I make sure to cuddle/kiss him, tell him how much I love him and appreciate what he does for me. I leave notes all the time and try, even when I don’t want physical touch, to make sure his needs are met. But this is meaning I don’t have space or time for me. I am struggling with life right now, I have told him, and he was okay with it, but just seems really sad. With how I’m feeling, the last thing I want is to have sex and I don’t want to force it just because he’s brought it up. I want to make a conscious effort to be better, I just don’t know what to do when everything in My life is spiralling. I just feel like a bit of a shit human being right now, and knowing I’m not meeting his needs is making me feel even worse. I just can’t juggle everything right now. Help