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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Finding happiness again

4 replies

Berosey54432 · 19/02/2023 07:01

I’d been with my ex for a decade. We were childhood sweethearts.
We have two young children and a mortgage.
We have felt unhappy for a while but just plodded on as you do but it’s very amicable the split…

We have decided to continue living together ‘for now’ to work on ourselves as individuals and if that brings us back together then great but if not we’ll have this new found confidence/ independence from it. Basically if we do ‘nothing’ we can’t can regret anything does that make sense? We aren’t in the mindset to make any rationale decisions either hell it’s only been 4 days and I really just want to live as harmonious as we possibly can for our own mentality and for the kids.
I think we are both pretty much on the same page about this.
My gut says he won’t leave and we’ll work through our differences and take it right back to ‘dating’ each other again but only time will tell…

I am working on being the best Mum, I want to loose two stone so I’m confident again in my body I’m currently the biggest I’ve ever been (12-14) join a gym and be more social with friends.

My ex is still physically attracted to me. He is a man and could still quite happily be having meaningless sex with me but it is not enough and plus we haven’t slept together since he told me he wasn’t in love with me anymore even though he bought condoms home the same night I said I can’t do that.

I want to feel and look my best for ME!

I know deep down we are soulmates he has his own demons in life I wish he would address. Maybe he will?

Of course it’s harder to walk away from everything that we’ve built together but staying together for the wrong reasons is making us both miserable.

I know that neither of us can change for the other person it has to be a gradual, natural process one that cannot be forced, a compromise and a want to learn and be around the other person again to communicate and look forward to spending time with one another, being silly and truly learning to love one another for who we are not who we want each other to be.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you move forward?

OP posts:
DonnaTellMeThis · 19/02/2023 18:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Oopsiedaisyy · 19/02/2023 18:17

How will you handle it when you find out he's on dating apps?

Shapemyeyebrows · 19/02/2023 20:34

@Berosey54432 From an outsiders perspective, it seems you are clinging onto false hope. He’s told you he isn’t in love with you anymore, does that not say it all? It also sounds like there could be another woman somewhere, not necessarily an affair but could his head have been turned?

TracyBeakerSoYeah · 19/02/2023 20:43

He needs to leave, although that's probably not what you you want to hear.
He can't have his cake & eat it as he's being very unfair on you!

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