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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I doing the right thing?

2 replies

Momof2x · 18/02/2023 23:25

OK so basically I've been with the father of my two children for over 9 years now.
Our relationship started going down hill many years ago now.
I've been unhappy for longer than I can remember.

I am very family oriented and I feel he has never been that way out. I'm always left to do everything with the kids and when he tags along he always seems to be on edge and miserable.

He has mad mood swings, one minute he will be happy as Larry, then the next minute he can snap over little things.
He's never hit me but has thrown things in anger.
There is so much more to go into but going to try keep this as short as possible.
Whenever I've tried to leave him in the past, he will get very angry and make me feel so guilty. Then he will apologise, act all nice, doing kind gestures. I have always forgave him and tried to put it all in the past but the cycle happens over and over.
However I told him we are done a while ago after him losing it in front of the children . Since then I have showed no affection to him and I've stuck my ground. I've been looking for houses to move out . I've spoke to him about this but I don't think he takes me seriously.

He will act like nothing has happened and refers me as his girlfriend on the phone to his friends. He's said il never leave him as we have kids and he wouldn't let me because he loves me and the kids too much.
I've said to myself I need to be strong, stick to it and get away as I'm not happy and haven't been for a while.
I've been interested in a property to rent and I have applied for it , placing down holding fee. Thing is he doesn't know I have done this as I'm scared to how he will react.
Although i feel happy I will eventually break free I also feel I'm breaking up our family and feel guilty. Spite his moods, the kids love their dad. When he's in a good mood he really is great but unfortunately it doesn't last.
Am I doing the right thing, going solo and leaving him behind?

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
cassiatwenty · 19/02/2023 00:37

Well it's guilt. Just because you feel guilty, it doesn't make you a bad person for wanting something new for yourself.

You don't really need to talk to him and get his permission on this.

You don't need to think about it in terms of leaving him behind. You are free to seek some freedom and peace without him, as he is free to have some sort of life on his own. No guilt.

BlastedPimples · 19/02/2023 00:54

Do not feel guilty.

He sounds vile. Really vile

You're getting out before he gets worse. It will get worse.

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