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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Thinking of leaving but scared to start again

3 replies

3rdtimemomma · 18/02/2023 20:23

Hey guys!

I don't know where to start.... I'll try and compact a brief background.

I left my ex partner once I was financially stable after trying to leave for many years for many reasons.
I have 2 children.

I then met my now partner and it was AMAZING. To start with.

He also has 2 children so we came together and all was good or as good as it could be ( his ex made things so hard and we did everything properly and blending of the families etc)

Anyway - we moved in together and had a little baby together and she is just AMAZING and everyone adores her.

My 2 step children have behavioural issues and problems with school and in a nutshell it has been incredibly difficult. It has really affected our relationship and Iv been as supportive as I can be with helping my partner and the children infact more proactive in helping than I think he has or the mum of the children as things spiralled quite quickly with their school issues ( primary age)

I am not naive enough to believe it will have alway been the same but it has been so hard and Iv put al of the kids first as I should! But as a result of helping with my step children the issues have been so hard that it's affected me greatly and has been incredibly stressful and upsetting along with arguing with my partner very regularly and having mouthfuls at time from his ex either to me or him ( lots of issues on her side , too many to go into)
I have tried to be helpful and kind and a good step mum and now I feel where have I gone wrong.

The arguments between me and my partner are horrible and often some really horrible name calling . I feel like an empty shell of a person and his answer to me bringing up how much I'm struggling is basically it will always be this way so deal with it or leave.

Week in week out often I cry myself to sleep thinking is this my life forever and they are my step children so I have chosen to be around which I find more upsetting when given Phrases of "deal with it" or " you should have left then" etc etc. I have put my all into my family and the children especially and I know it's been at a huge detriment to my mental health.

Sometimes I feel like I hate my partner or resent him for the horrible things he says to be when he is very angry and how confrontational he is.

I feel like this is the unhappiest I've ever been but it's much harder to walk away than people think. My 3rd child with him is so attached to him and it would destroy her not to see him all the time and the thought of her being from a broken family too upsets me.

But I don't know how much more I can tolerate.
It's week in week out round in circles of one drama to the next with kids and school and then arguments about how stressful we are finding things.

I feel completely lost.

OP posts:
Catoo · 18/02/2023 21:20

Sorry to hear this OP.
It sounds like you have tried to speak with him but his answer is put up with it or leave.
You are the unhappiest you’ve ever been, cry yourself to sleep, put up with horrible verbal abuse and anger.
You’ve been here before. You know what you need to do. Your three children should be your priority. They will all be picking up on this misery.
best wishes to you x

Channellingsophistication · 20/02/2023 12:58

You say you dont want your 3rd child to be from a broken home but you are broken down by all of this arent you? You cant go on crying self to sleep and your older children will know you are unhappy.

Perhaps its now time to make plans to end relationship? Sorry you’re going through this horrible time. But you are clearly strong.

Pumpkinpie1 · 20/01/2024 10:19

OP you are a kind loving strong lady who doesn’t deserve this.
But you need to leave this man. He is unreasonable and abusive. Show your kids that their mum won’t tolerate this behaviour. Your youngest will still see her Dad , don’t use them as an excuse for not acting.
You have done it before you can do it again x x x

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