Why Am I cheating?

[onemumbaby]

Help!! I'm a bad person, I know.

I'm married with one child. Someone in work with me is married with three kids. We've worked together for 8 years and travelled the world extensively, most of the time just us two. Sometimes some more senior people or the team below us.

There has never been anything between us. For eight years. We get along, we've met each other families. Nothing more. Respective partners say we are work wife and husband as we are close but just as friends.

Then at the Christmas party there was some flirting from him.. no idea where it came from. I (embarrassingly) enjoyed it and flirted back. We danced. Nothing else. Next work night out for our end of year results he asked for a kiss at the end of the night. I give him a teeny peck. Then the last work trip we kissed several times one night and got a bit carried away and done a bit more. We didn't have sex.

I'm so confused, for two reasons.

1. I'm happy. I have thought about this so much and I truly believe I am happy in my marriage. I love my husband, although all of this might suggest otherwise. I have never cheated before.
2. I don't even fancy this guy from work! I don't look at him and think he's attractive. I definitely am not falling for him!!

So why am I doing it?!?! Help!!

The only thing I can think is the "thrill of the chase" argument? Im ashamed to say the flirting excited me. The passionate kissing. Whilst me and my husband have a good sex life, we've been together 15 years. We're so familiar (which is amazing) and there is obviously no honeymoon phase! I think this is why I have allowed this to happen?? I am getting carried away with the excitement and lust? I loved the attention. I love seeing I turned another man on, after all this time. And the passion which I just don't think you have after all these years. I am still passionate with my husband and we have great sex, so passion might not be the right word. Hopefully some of you know what I am referring to though.

I know im a bad person. Feel free to share how awful I am but trust me, I know. The remorse I feel... I go to tell my husband every night and then I sleep on it, thinking tomorrow will be better. He will 100% leave me. I then go into work and see this guy and I find myself checking when the next work trip is. I go home to my husband, we have a lovely evening, the guilt and remorse kicks in. I promise myself I can't look forward to other trips and have actually applied for some other jobs. Then I debate telling him, don't. Go to sleep. Go into work the next day and the whole thing repeats itself again. What am I doing 😢😢

Any counsellors that can unpick this and tell me what the f**k is wrong with me?!?!?!

Might you be self sabotaging?

Forget a counsellor. You need to change job and cut it dead.

the problem is this: you CAN quite easily have two contradictory feelings and still survive. Not always easy. I worry about the environment but I still drive my car. I like eating lamb but I think baby sheep are sooo cute and adorable. Etc etc

You are in a dangerous place and at some point you’ll go further or your lie will be found out and you will feel absolutely awful when your two worlds collide. You cannot be these two people forever. The guilt will eat away at you.

Make your choice - choose your dh and son - and be grateful every day for the rest of your life for the good things you have got.

Why has this thread been resurrected

That's me, and it was in similar threads list and it was only Feb.

There is something in this dynamic that appeals to you. But harsh reality is that both of you are has beens and it makes you feel good to be in each other’s recycled company. Pity you both have no empathy towards yr partners of kids, but hey, at least the guy you’re seeing will get a few erections out of it, and I bet he’s hoping for things far seedier, like shagging too and his wife and sharing all the STIs he possibly can with both of yas. You have to snap out of the daze. He just wants shagging and not you, don’t be fooled and don’t complicate yr life for such trivial short lived shite.

You like the attention, I've been there I understand, but trust me if you carry on or tell your husband you will regret your actions instantly and wonder what the hell you were playing at. Stop now or throw your happy marriage and life away.