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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

It is what it is?

1 reply

cleanbreak2022 · 18/02/2023 19:12

It's fairly common knowledge in my work place that my relationship of 15 years ended due to infidelity.

Last week I had a conversation with a colleague, whom divulged to me that they are contemplating/hoping for (what I assume to be an already emotional affair after some flirting) to pursue a relationship outside of their long term relationship. Children are involved.

I found the conversation triggering and also fascinating. Since suffering betrayal I have always asked 'why?'. They didn't answer why but what I found most triggering and most fascinating I advised to consider what would happen when it inevitably came to light. From the betrayed partner, I was crushed. My children were crushed. It was devastating as a mother and as a woman. I went into a deep monologue about the damage this could cause and all of the potential repercussions.

I was met with 'it is what it is'.

I'm dumbfounded. I'm also questioning whether that was the amount of consideration my ex gave to our relationship and our family. 5 worlds. That amount of consideration. I've always assumed he was or must have been wracked with guilt. Not knowing what way to turn. Falling in love with another, not wanting to leave either nest.

But no...am I to believe 'it is what it is' is the total amount of consideration we received was?

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 18/02/2023 22:27

I don't think you should judge your ex by your colleague. The idea of your colleague's LTR breaking up might not be real to them at this stage if they are at the stage of fantasising about an EA turning into more.

You also don't know the inside of their LTR. There might be past infidelity on the other side, or other serious issues they're not disclosing - I am not saying any affair is a good way to resolve this, but any guilt at betraying a partner who is at fault (or perceived to be at fault) is likely to be less than for an entirely innocent party.

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