Have NC’d for this.
I don’t know where to begin but I’ll try hard not to ramble.
Been with H for 21 years, we have 2 DC who are older and no longer live at home. We emigrated to Oz 16 years ago, no other family just us. For a long time I haven’t been happy with H, he is extremely difficult to live with, I would class him as a narcissist. Everything I do is wrong, I mean literally everything. He complains about the clothes I wear, he didn’t like my baggy trousers and one day walked behind me filming me whilst we were out shopping,then stopped me to show me the video, to prove how bad I looked.He complains about my driving, my weight, I can’t remember the last time he said anything nice. He put an air tag in my car without telling me, he only came clean when I got an alert telling me I was being tracked. He said it wasn’t important, he wasn’t tracking ME, just the car in case it got stolen
Last weekend we had a clear out of the kitchen cupboards as they were full, there was a lot of out of date stuff to chuck. He was really angry telling me his I wasted all our money. Over and over he went on. He made it obvious he thinks I’m just useless ( which he does every day) and all week he has been ‘off’. I’ve asked him what’s wrong and he says ‘nothing, why do you think that’, but he doesn’t want to talk or engage with me so I know he’s stewing.
Last night I was in bed , he got in bed and said let’s watch a movie. As soon as the movie begins he starts telling me there’s food in the fridge that is going out of date, why haven’t I used it up yet, more waste. Then starts on about why is there 3 different shampoos in the bathroom. I sometimes see something a bit different so grab it. I have an infection in my leg and doctor told me to rest for 24 hours, so I couldn’t move as it was incredibly painful. He suddenly lost his shit and leant forward with his face totally twisted in rage and screamed ‘You drive me fucking nuts, you don’t care about money as I pay for it all’. The spit was coming out his mouth and he was about a foot from my face knowing I can’t move. I just checked,I have paid $7,000 since November 22 towards mortgage and household bills, so that’s shit. Then he told me that I couldn’t spend any of my money that I earn from work, without asking him first as it’s from the ‘family pot’. Just over a year ago he removed $60k from our mortgage overpayments account to buy bitcoin. When I finally clicked the money had come from there he insisted he had asked me but I’m pretty sure I would have remembered that conversation and he definitely didn’t so obviously that rule of asking first doesn’t apply to him.
Then he grabs his phone still screaming what a fucking C I was and he’s going to sleep in the spare room, and I can sleep on my own for the rest of my life. He does this so much, gets really angry and gets up close and screams and swears. It does scare me but I try not to let him see as I don’t want to give him the satisfaction. He has never actually hit me, so I have struggled to see it as abuse but I’m beginning to think it is. Sometimes if he’s extra angry and shouting I hide in the laundry room, pretending that I’m sorting washing but in truth I’m so anxious I feel sick.
He’s ignored me since last night, and I feel nothing but relief. He’s gone out, again I feel relief.
We have had big blow ups in the past and he’s said he’s never moving out of the house, if I want to go I go but he’s staying. I don’t want to do this anymore. I feel broken, like why am I so bad that despite how hard I try, he still thinks of me as being utterly worthless. I know he will go above and beyond to make my life hell if I actually try and leave. His whole life will be about making mine a living nightmare. I guess it’s that fear that’s kept me here so long and the financial worry of how will I cope. He will manage fine, he earns 5 times what I earn.
To make matters worse his Mum is coming over from UK to stay for us for a month then 2 days after she leaves, my Parents are coming home over for 3 weeks. They are in their 80’s and my Dad has already said this will be his last trip as he’s struggling health wise. I’m so scared he is going to be a total shit and spoil their holiday. Right now that’s my main fear, that he will ruin their last holiday here. I just don’t know what to do. Should I try and apologise and accept the blame for everything to smooth the waters till they have gone. Like I have read in other posts, he can switch personalities in a moment, which throws me off. He can be funny and kind and it makes me feel like Im over reacting and his behaviour isn’t abusive, it’s just him being him. I feel like I’m in a horrible maze and I can’t get out
I’m really sorry, that was long, and I think I did ramble. Thanks to anyone who’s still reading. I guess I just want to know this is abuse isn’t it. It’s not me being precious and I have a good enough reason to leave ?