My parents dislike my boyfriend’s dog

[Doodles29]

Hi all.

I am 26 and currently living with my parents. I have a dog and my parents have a dog (they are siblings).

My boyfriend has a working dog and everywhere he goes, the dog goes. He can leave her, but she can’t be left for long and he doesn’t always like to leave her.

My parents have expressed that his dog is highly energetic and ‘won’t stop’ (which is true). When she is at my parents, she runs around, jumps on sofas, whips her tails in peoples faces and doesn’t give them much space. Our dogs are allowed on the sofas but they are calm indoors.

We have always been a close family. It upsets me that I can’t have my boyfriend over for dinner with my parents, as they have expressed that they do not want the dog around.

I am moving in with my boyfriend at Easter. He called me today and offered to come over tomorrow to help me have a clear out of my things / sort things into boxes. I gave my parents the heads up and I was immediately met with an eye roll and told that we would need to do this in the garden. I think I may just make up and excuse and sort my boxes out myself, but I could have really done with an extra hand.

I don’t know how to go about this now. I don’t want to be honest with my boyfriend about things as I don’t want to cause friction between him and my parents. But equally I don’t want him thinking that we are rude hosts.

I do understand my parents side of things, although it is frustrating when my boyfriend doesn’t get invited to things because of his dog. I can’t even make up the excuse to say that ‘we’re not dog people’.

any advice would be great, please.

Working dogs need to be working dogs.

Suggest that he enter the dog in something like showjumping or sheepdog trials. He also needs to be talking it for loooooong walks before bringing it to your parents home.

It's a matter of respect. Respect for you, respect for your parents and, respect for the animal who's needs he is supposed to meet.

If he can't do that I'd be thinking long and hard about what kind of person thinks he can just by a breed of dog that requires special care and just ignore that. That's a arguably a very selfish or reckless and thoughtless person.

Your boyfriend is at fault here, not your parents.

You don’t take a dog to someone else’s house and let it behave like that.

Whats your plan going forward? Because it’s quite likely that the dog won’t be welcome at other people’s houses either if it’s badly behaved.

I don’t want to be honest with my boyfriend about things as I don’t want to cause friction between him and my parents. But equally I don’t want him thinking that we are rude hosts.

There already is friction because your parents have been putting up with his badly behaved dog. You should have addressed this straight away, along the lines of the dog must be kept under control or it doesn’t come.

But equally I don’t want him thinking that we are rude hosts.

If he thinks that then he has no social awareness.

My kids occasionally bring our dog to a relatives home and they know that in someone elses home he has to be watched more carefully than he is here.

I occasionally mind my friends/neighbours dogs in my house if they're stuck, I'm a dog lover but I find it stressful because the dogs are like excited toddlers exploring the new smells etc.

If my friends/neighbours were here with the dogs then it would be rude of them to not be the ones controlling them and calming them down.

I love dogs, dogs are welcome in my house but I don’t want visitors dogs crashing round my house and lashing me with their tails. His dog needs exercise and training.

I’m with your parents here! He needs to train his dog. My friend has a lovely dog but I go round in old clothes now as he’s allowed to jump up, climb all over me and knock my tea out my hand. I dread going round!!!!

My boyfriend has a working dog

Does he?
Or does he have a working breed, which he is not working?
Because working dogs who are worked properly by competent handlers don't cause the kind of domestic issues your b/f's dog does.

If you are unable to tell you b/f the frank truth - that his dog is badly behaved in a home situation - then you should NOT be moving in with him. Cohabiting is a big step. Starting it off with timidity & subterfuge is a HUGE red flag - from you.

I was on your other thread (I'm the one who left my boyfriend and his untrained dog).

I'll just add that the thoughts expressed by your parents will be widely shared. Most strangers will just about grimace a smile politely.

I was embarrassed to go most places with the dog (including the dog walks).

Even if you happen to have tolerance higher than mine for this crap, please don't have children with this man. He'll be a proud "baby-owner" but there'll be zero support for the actual needs of you and the child.
But do move in, the scales will fall off quicker in the constant presence of the man-child and his dog. It will get wearing.

My dog is quite energetic but I wouldn’t let him just jump around someone’s house going wild. I’d keep him on his lead if he wouldn’t settle. Working dogs are hugely energetic but he needs to train him to settle when told or keep him on lead. I’d just explain to him that your parents find it a little stressful and ask if he could keep the dog calmer.

It's good that you're moving out. Your parents are right to dislike that dog's behaviour and they're v good to put up with it so long. Your boyfriend needs to control it better and you should minimise the aggro it causes to your parents until you've moved out.

Surely your boyfriend recognises and acknowledges that his dog is badly behaved at your parents home?

If not you need to tell him! He needs to start training his dog so it behaves much better everywhere, not just at your parents. As the dog goes everywhere with him I assume he would also be with you eating out, in a pub, cafe, whatever.

Every dog should be trained in good behaviors for the comfort and security of everyone INCLUDING his dog!

Working breed/lines or actually worked? How will you cope with it if it’s crazy indoors? Is it not properly exercised? 2 of mine are working bred and they get correct exercise and can be left quite happily once brought home. Sounds like your bf needs to train yours. Ours aren’t allowed to act like mad things in the house.

Your parents have a right to not have any visiting dog inside. Boyfriend's dog is badly behaved. Tell boyfriend outright that his dog is too jumpy to be inside. Bring a kennel - cage to put him in, or tie him up in the garden. The dog not only needs two proper walks each day but it needs to go to obedience school until it can behave in human environments. To have a sustainable relationship with your parents your boyfriend needs to know their view on the dog, build a bridge and overcome the problem by training his dog.

It's not personal - your boyfriend needs to maturely recognise that it is not him but his dog - of which he needs to learn to control.

I think the main problem here is that you can't have an honest, grown up conversation with the person you're about to start living with.

Yes, this I'm afraid.

You are already tip-toeing around him and his ego.

I have a slightly annoying dog, (she's a rescue and gets over-excited in some situations) which I adore but I don't take her to places where I know she won't behave or if I do she stays in the car or on a lead.

It's very reasonable for your parents to want their home treated with respect.

It's not reasonable if your bf can't control his dog or work on leaving her at home where it's not appropriate to bring her.

For me it's a big red flag that he puts the needs and wants of him and his dog over everything else (including you) most people want their bf/gf parents to like them and want to build a relationship/friendship with them, especially as they sound lovely and you are close to them. I would be very very wary indeed of a bf who does the opposite, it's a warning sign they don't have your best interests at heart.

Why do you allow dogs on the sofas ?