Practically….

[Dolphin567]

Husband has literally left marriage and family and moved in with OW and her two children. The OW’s marriage has just broken up too. Affair started in 2021 - DH promised it had ended and we had a reconciliation 😔 yet it hadn’t and now this. How do I ever recover from the quick turnaround, and our children? They are 5 and 12.

Bumping … just this evening he has called me a b**ch and said that I it is my fault that he is with the OW - he did it to piss me off. I can’t make sense of who this man is. Where has my husband gone?

I’m sorry he has done this to you, OP. Sadly, it’s common for men who are cheating to pretend it’s their wife’s fault, and accuse her of all kinds of unreasonable behaviour. Often it’s untrue, just gaslighting the wife to make him feel a bit better about himself.

He sounds horrible, and this time I think you have to accept your marriage is over. Don’t do the “pick me” dance to try to get him back again; he has shown he is not worth it. You need a good solicitor to ensure you and the children get a fair deal in the divorce. So get legal advice, contact the CMS and tell your husband to contact you by email only.

Best of luck, OP. You must be in shock, so I hope you have good friends and/or family to support you.

I’m sorry this has happened to you. I know it shocks you to the core. His anger at you is actually anger at himself. He wants to think your marriage was terrible so it makes him feel better.

I know what you mean when you say where has my husband gone. My ex-h had an affair and wanted to be with the AP and I felt he was a different person. It looked like him but it wasn’t him and I really grieved for that. I didn’t think I would ever get over it, but I did. You will too. I know it doesn’t feel like it right now.

You just have to focus on one day at a time, but know that when he is horrible to you, it’s because he’s angry with himself. Just take it an hour, a day at a time. Sending you strength

I’m sorry this happened to you. Absolute cheek for him to try and pin the blame on you. You know it’s him, not you, and so does he underneath I’m sure. He should be ashamed of himself. So if he wants his kids to stay over he’s expecting them to stay with him and the OW? Unbelievable the way some men’s minds work and how he thinks this is acceptable

I’m so sorry your husband has proved himself to be a nasty, selfish and entitled man despite your gift of reconciliation.

I honestly believe that putting you through another dday is beyond disgusting when he’s seen the damage his affair has done.

Him blaming you for the break up is just typical cheater behaviour. He will have rewritten your marriage and made sure he could find some wiggle room to excuse himself. They all follow the same pattern.

Do not be surprised if he does yet another U turn as shacking up with the OWs children will no doubt dull the thrills they were both feeling. Do not fall for it!

Get yourself a copy of ‘leave a cheater, gain a life’ and get yourself on the chump lady website. You’ll see just how predictable all this is. Take a look at surviving infidelity and their divorce and depression board, the posters there are an amazing source of ongoing support.

You’ve been fighting for your marriage for so long it’s time to fight for yourself. You deserve so much better. I know it sounds cliched but take it one moment at a time, those moments quickly turn to hours then days. Time is a healer. Do you. Use his time with the children to rediscover yourself and get yourself into counselling if you have any PTSD symptoms that are common with infidelity.

Hugs.

Divorce and separation board… sorry!