Should I give this up

[Secondbezt]

Been with DP 3.5 years.
We're in our late 40s.
He's divorced with 5050 kids.
I love him, adore and admire him and we have a good relationship. He is a good man.
However, when things go wrong in his life he invariably contacts exw for advice or help and it makes me feel shit.
They don't have a great relationship but they text and email often because of 5050 kids stuff.
They do argue a fair bit and the texts aren't worrying but are very frequent. Think daily.
He had major surgery this week and text her to ask advice about something on coming home. It turns out she's paying for his private insurance. I didn't know this.
It just feels like she's still his default person to go to. That habit is still there and it's really starting to hurt.
They were married 20 years , she cheated, but it feels like he is stil attached. Or are these my insecurities?

No I don't think it's your insecurities at all. You should now be his go to person. But I guess if she's paying for his treatment he feels obliged to include her maybe?
I have something similar but we've only been together 7 months. I wouldn't say he asks her for advice but she asks him but then she's mean to him and quite nasty at times! He's keeping her sweet because he worries she'll turn the children against him. I get this but it's a constant threat and I wish he'd stand up to her more than he does. None of it is essentially my business but I do find there is a fine line that I'm trying not to cross. He was ill this week and she offered to get him something. I said tell her you don't need her as he has me but he said he didn't want her knowing I was over as she'd think he wasn't being genuinely ill! Frustrating!

I suppose I'm just not sure on how much contact with an ex is ok.
I have NOTHING to do with my ex and father of my children sadly. DP is still quite involved and I struggle with the different point of view.
He assures me that he is over her, but mourns the loss of his family and it just feels like she is still the person he turns too, rather than me after 3.5 years.
I'm so tired of being second best

Have you communicated this with him? I totally get you and you shouldn't feel like that in a relationship. My partners ex wife seems to enjoy the contact with him I feel and he goes along to keep the peace. I do wonder what her partner makes of it all though!

I wouldn’t like it either !
the health insurance is fine and ok

but the daily chit chat 💬 it’s as you said she’s his ‘go to’
me and my ex barely communicate and I prefer that

but as you said he’s mourning his family and she’s that right ? and it might be many years until he’s over this

anyway it’s ok to want to be ‘his womanI’ and also to walk away if you feel insecure 24/7

I suppose I'm just not sure on how much contact with an ex is ok

Some people would be fine with more. Some people would insist on less.

Who makes the rules about what you 'should' put up with? If you don't like something, who decides whether you should continue with it? For example, if you didn't like kale, who would be the person who decided whether you should or shouldn't eat it? If you didn't like a job, who would decide whether you should or shouldn't do it? If you didn't like a person, who would decide whether or not you should spend time with them? Who is responsible for taking care of whether you put up with things you don't like?

Watchkeys
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