Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

Bruising too easily

11 replies

Anonymices · 17/02/2023 16:26

If someone throws something soft at you (think a small ball of soft clothing) and you get bruises is it a medical issue (bruising too easily), or a relationship issue (no apology, but did huffily stop when asked)?

OP posts:

Blanca87 · 17/02/2023 16:37

No one should be throwing anything at you regardless if you bruise or not. Throwing things at you is abusive.

MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute · 17/02/2023 16:41

No one should be throwing anything at all, unless you’re both having a laugh and mucking around but it sounds like this isn’t the case.

You shouldn’t bruise easily from something soft, are you sure it was that soft.

I expect there is more to this. Throwing things at you is a relationship issue, it’s not ok.

nc1013 · 17/02/2023 16:44

Bruising so easily could be a medical issue.

Regardless, throwing anything at someone else in an angry/huffy manner is unacceptable

Original poster

Anonymices · 17/02/2023 16:55

@MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute yes, definitely soft, but balled up.
@nc1013 wasn't huffy/angry until I asked him to stop, because it was hurting me.

OP posts:

Original poster

Anonymices · 17/02/2023 17:16

It's more the fact that he doesn't care that he's hurting me and it feels like he almost blames me for getting hurt. But then I'm not 100% sure if there is something wrong with me that it hurts/I bruise. He was 2-3m from me and it felt like he threw it quite hard, and threw a second one even after I reacted to the first (said "ow"). When I asked him to stop he got all huffy.

OP posts:

MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute · 17/02/2023 17:25

Well why is he throwing things at you?

What is your relationship like otherwise and what is his behaviour like otherwise? Is this part of a bigger picture?

Ofcourseshecan · 17/02/2023 17:30

It's both. Throwing something soft sounds like playing, but throwing a second one when you've said it hurts is not good.

I'd be more concerned about bruising so easily, though. Do go to your GP, even if it has faded, and make sure they realise you were hit by something very soft and it raised a noticeable bruise.

Original poster

Anonymices · 17/02/2023 21:31

OK. I will see a GP and discuss with my support worker. @MyCatIsAnnoyinglyCute Yes, part of a bigger picture.
Thanks.

OP posts:

Watchkeys · 17/02/2023 21:43

So, he wants to throw things at you so much that it's more important to him than respecting how you feel. Is that right?

Haffiana · 17/02/2023 21:45

Abusers are often nice until asked to stop. It is how abuse works - the fear of asking them to stop makes the abused partner walk on eggshells in order to stop them from getting angry.

The important thing to keep hold of is how it makes you feel. Does it feel good to be with someone who throws things at you and carries on when you are clearly hurting? And gets angry when you tell him to stop?

Don't get sucked into his mad discussions about whether it should or should not have hurt and bruised you. It isn't up to him to decide what hurts you. Never make the mistake of asking your abuser about his opinion on your abuse.

username1722 · 17/02/2023 23:03

Sounds like two separate issues here.

If you're worried about bruising easily, you need to see your GP to rule out anything serious.
Regardless of whether or not you hurt/bruise easily, if you tell someone that something hurts, they should stop doing it. It's called respect. Throwing things playfully isn't an issue. I've done it before. But if I or a partner said "right that actually really hurts", it would be stopped immediately.

Flip