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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AITA for refusing to go to my sil wedding?

6 replies

user1470350359 · 17/02/2023 01:16

Bare with me this may be slightly long!

I have been married to my husband for 11 years. He is one of eight. He has 4 sisters 1 older and 3 younger and is one of 4 brothers. For reference we will call the older sister A and the one 2nd younger than him F. All siblings uses to be very close. However, in the last few years arguments have happened between the sisters and A has ended up being oscrasized by the siblings. She has a good relationship with my husband but he had always stayed neutral and tried to stay out of their disagreements. In the last few years this has meant she hasht been invited to any family events, except our home. F is getting married and the entire family is invited except A and her family. Her children seemed upset that they too couldnt go. My husband asked for F to invite A and she agreed. She however, rung her 11 year old who clearly wasnt comfortable speaking to her and asked her to tell her mum to ring her back. A did not ring back because she felt uncomfortable ringing and coaxing an invite out. Anyway neither party rung back. My husband feels F didnt really try and has now said he too wont be attending the wedding seeing as his other sister will not be attending as she hasjg had a verbal invite even. Rest of the siblings have been giving him grief for choosing A and ruining F's wedding day. F is upset that she tried but A never rung back. Am i wrong for not attending Fs wedding day or letting the kids go seeing as shes unwilling to speak to A and invite her. A has said she is totally fine with us going but it just doesnt sit right. Also to note, nothing major has happened foe A and F to dislike each other this much. Not sure now if im wrong for also not going.

OP posts:
Figmentof · 17/02/2023 06:59

Your husband has been far from neutral and keeping out of disagreements! It is up to F who she invited to her wedding and your husband is being immensely childish for refusing to attend because he doesn’t approve of aspects of the guest list, particularly when the uninvited one is accepting of the situation anyway.

Wheredothesocksgo · 17/02/2023 08:34

They all need to grow up. I'd go to the wedding because who is and isn't invited is nothing to do with anyone else. Sounds like this rift will go on forever if they dont get together and sort it out and I wouldn't want to get involved in long running family disputes.

Natty13 · 17/02/2023 08:45

Agree with others that you and your H are not being beutral here. Neutral means accepting 2 sided don't get on and having an independant relationship with both of them. Making a stand about a wedding that isn't yours is the opposite of this. Does A invite F to her events? If so, are you OK with this?

F tried to extend an olive branch...being willing to make that phonecall must have felt really uncomfortable yet she did it. I get why A didn't call back but tbh the buck stops with her then, that conversation could have made some peace between them.

Dery · 17/02/2023 08:55

It does all sound very silly. I’m not sure about the other siblings’ stance - it seems a bit cruel of everyone to ostracise A. What on earth did she do? But A chose not to call back when F reached out and has said she’s not bothered if you go so yes, I think you should go.

user1470350359 · 17/02/2023 10:18

Thanks everyone for your replies. The thing is A hasnt actually done anything to anyone and although she has said she doesnt mind it feels pretty obvious she would. A has always been extremely helpful to not just us but everyone in general over the years. Just feel she is used when needed but during happy occasions left out. Yes she has invited them all to hers, cooked etc and they have been happy going. This animosity occurs when its her turn to get invited. I have been debating whether I made a mistake by getting involved as it is quite messy but now we are in involved and not sure how to proceed. Just feel A is unfairly treated and everyone seems ok with it.

OP posts:
Dery · 17/02/2023 13:47

Your update changes things somewhat. Rather than remaining neutral, perhaps your DH could confront the others and ask why they’re behaving so unkindly?

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