New partner wants to live in my pocket

[Whyseverythingsocomplicated]

I have a new partner and we’ve been together for over a year now. We both have kids mine are still young and his are teenagers. When he has his kids for 3 nights of the week (on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday night) we don’t see that much of each other. However he wants to stop round mine with his kids and almost expects to see me all the time. I feel a little pressured as I like the fact that we get a break and I still have me time and time with my kids on my own, but he just doesn’t seem to understand this. Am I normal? Or am I being unreasonable? Should I want to spend all my time with him? Or is it ok to still want time apart?

YANBU if you would prefer some space to yourself.
It sounds like he’s keen to fully move in, next step would be giving up his place. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you want so maybe you need to have a discussion?

It sounds like he wants to off load some of his parental duties ie " share the load" by bringing his children round. Likely to get s hot meal etc.

I feel a little pressured as I like the fact that we get a break and I still have me time and time with my kids on my own, but he just doesn’t seem to understand this.

Have you told him this? You’ve been together a year, you should be able to have straightforward conversations.

Am I normal? Or am I being unreasonable? Should I want to spend all my time with him? Or is it ok to still want time apart?

There is no ‘normal’, ‘should’ or ‘okay’. There is no rule book. This is your relationship. You are entitled to any parameters of boundaries that make you happy. Communicate them.

Getting you to look after his DC for him when he has them, by stealth maybe? Would he be planning to buy the food, cook the food and wash and tidy up after them? Has he made them responsible for their own upkeep?
It looks like for some reason he doesn't want alone time with his DC's, but as they are teens, they probably don't want to do much with him either.

I wouldn’t want my home invaded by teens 3 days a week. Are you expected to cook and entertain them?

Tell him no, it’s not happening.

@AlmostaMamma
There is no ‘normal’, ‘should’ or ‘okay’. There is no rule book. This is your relationship. You are entitled to any parameters of boundaries that make you happy. Communicate them.

This with with fucking bells on!!!!

if you don’t start asserting your wants, then before you know it, this guy will be moved in and you’ll be looking after his kids why he’s doing xyz.

I think you need to just be honest with him. Are you planning to move in together eventually and blend families? If so I guess it’s good to gradually get the kids used to spending time together but otherwise no, you need time apart too. I do suspect he either wants the company or help with the kids - do you cook for them? There’s no other option but to be straight with him, and tell him you need some me time and that the weekend is a good time for that when he’s busy with his kids. I suspect they don’t want to be at yours all the time either

Your children are young and need your undivided attention, at least some of the time. This man and his children being around this much is not good for your children. Children grow up so quickly, do you want to look back and wish you hadn't had your home taken over by 4 other people almost half the week? What do you want your children's memories of their childhood to be? Surely not a grown man and his 3 teens descending on their home every week?

Why do you think he doesn't understand? If he understands English, he understands your need for time alone well enough, he is just pushing your boundaries. Advocate for your children, they can't do it for themselves.

Also, how much time is he spending round yours without his children? Sounds like he is angling to move in, as pp said.

I think deep down he would love to move in although when we discuss this he says he’s not ready yet. He is great with his kids as in cooking for them and running the house etc. but yes they are teenagers and spend most their time with their friends or in their rooms so I guess he feels fed up when at home with them when he could be spending time with me. I have had numerous conversations about this but as every weekend approaches he starts bringing the subject up again how he’s fed up of not seeing me so much on those days he has his kids and it just makes me feel pressured sometimes like I should be inviting them all round so we can all spend time together. But then deep down I don’t think I want that just yet. I obviously want to take things more slowly. And I just wanted clarification that that’s ok so thank you to all who have replied.

And I just wanted clarification that that’s ok so thank you to all who have replied.

You keep saying this. Okay according to whom? Who is it that you think gets to tell you what’s okay in your relationship? And why do you think ‘I don’t want to’ isn’t sufficient reason not to do something?

When I'm in a relationship I see my dp once or twice a week, any more I feel suffocated, I need my own space and time with friends. If a man tried to see me more often I wouldn't tolerate it, can't stand clingy types.