9 weeks pregnant but my grandparents are telling me to have an abortion!

[HeatherL51]

Me and my partner are both 30. We have wanted a child for so long. Finally after alot of loss and ectopic pregnancy we Finally got to 9 weeks today. We are so happy as its the furthest I've ever got to. Because I'm very close with my grandparents and because my mum knows I thought that we should tell them. It was horrendous. Told us we are making a mistake having a child before we are married and not out of our rented into bought house yet. My gran said some pretty nasty things to me and the worst that we should just get an abortion. I am absolutely crushed by her saying that. I know when my mums been pregnant 3 times she's not been happy about it and suggested the same thing. But I never expected such a negative reaction after everything and with how close we are or were.

She's not very nice is she but the only thing you can do is ignore, don't share anything with her about the pregnancy and if she continues, then either go low or no contact. What does your mum have to say about the way she was treated when she was pregnant?

You thought she'd be happy when the woman had told your Mum she should abort you and your siblings?

That's the thing with toxic people, nobody thinks they can be that bad until the rage is turned on them.

It means you won't have to repeat the cycle with your baby, though, as presumably you'll be wise enough to make sure she doesn't drip her poison into your happy times and do what your Mum hasn't felt able to do for some reason - cut her off.

First thing I thought of was maybe your Nan is jealous as she’s done the same to your mum. Maybe she would have loved to have had more kids and didn’t for whatever reason. Either way, she’s out of line and I would cut contact personally.

You must be so shocked and hurt. It won't be easy, but try to focus on all of the positives and not this one horrible negative.

Your GP may regret saying what they said, and apologise - in which case it's up to you how you respond to that. If they have been like this before (and it sounds like they have with your Mum) you may want to reconsider your relationship completely - do you want to inflict them on your child?

They may not apoligise - in which case I would avoid them. You don't need such nastiness around you at any time, and especially not when you're pregnant.

I hope you have plenty of support around you - your DP, your Mum and maybe friends? Focus on that.

And congratulations!

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. I'm going to go low contact with gran for now. I don't want to be stressed in this happy time. Very luckily I have my partner, in laws, my parents and other family that are supportive . For now if things don't change i will not let my child when born be put into a toxic relationship like this. Its been very hard for me to try ignore the things that were said. But in time hopefully I can forget about it.

Congratulations, I know it's hard but you haven't done anything wrong, unfortunately sounds like she's stuck in a 1940s mindset, plenty of people happy are with families without the need of getting married first, you can live your life and be happy the way you want to without the joyless suckers.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, OP!

The following might be a consolation. My mum married at 18. When she became pregnant with me at 23, my dad was working long distance, my parents were between homes and my mum was living with her parents. When she told her mum she was pregnant, her mum stuck her in a very hot bath and plied her with gin, ostensibly to bring on a miscarriage. It didn’t work. But once I arrived, my grandmother became a doting and committed grandma.

Your grandparents will have the pleasure of knowing a great grandchild. That’s quite rare. I’m guessing they’ll come round once they get used to the idea!

My dad was like this. Banging in about how I had dishonoured him by having a child out of wedlock and how it was a terrible mistake. It was so upsetting. My brother didn't get the same tirade when he had his children outside of marriage. Some people are just old fashioned. Luckily my dad warmed to the baby once they arrived..hopefully the same happens for you