Can I hear your stories about going from a not great relationship to a good one?

[Elden]

I’m not happy at all in my current relationship but it’s taking me far too long to leave it because it’s the only stable connection that I’ve ever had. He’s a nice guy and very dependable, he’s just not the right fit for me and I feel bored and unfulfilled.

I’m not desperate to jump right into a new relationship, I’m looking forward to being in my own for a while but it’d be nice to know that there’s a chance of finding me right later down the line. I’m nearly 30 now and can feel my youth just slipping away!

Anyone been in an unfulfilling relationship, or even a bad one, and gone on to find happiness? What difference has it made to your life, and had you realised what you were missing at the time?

I was messed about loads in my twenties; had a long on/off relationship but then I met my husband when I was 30- now 37 and very happy together - it can happen for you op

Hi. Happened to me twice. Firstly married to someone I eventually find out was being adulterous and had been many times and never loved me. They tried to drive me to suicide during the divorce. I had the happiest days of my life after my divorce (age 33) and meet a wonderful person who I still have great memories of.

For reasons, that didn't work and I ended up in a relationship with someone who was abusive, alcoholic and controlling. I left that relationship with nothing but the clothes on my back and my car which I slept in for a few nights. I've spent the last 10 years with a wonderful person.

So, yes, it can happen and it happened to me twice and I'm a complete idiot who is led by what I think is love rather than brains.

I was over 28 when I divorced my first husband. We’d been together 11 years. With hindsight it wasn’t anywhere near what a healthy relationship should look like. In fact as I’ve got older and understood more about control & abuse I would now describe my relationship as that. I was naive & hadn’t heard of red flags or domestic abuse (other than physical abuse) as ridiculous as that now sounds. So probably a little different from your situation but it took me many years for me to process that for what it was. When I was in the relationship I don’t think I stopped to think the relationship wasn’t what I wanted or that it was lacking. I’m not suggesting that your relationship is like mine was of course. I was terrified that I’d never meet anyone or have children.
However I met my second husband relatively quickly & it was this relationship that has taught me what a relationship should look like. We’ve been together 26 years, married 24 and it’s hard to imagine not being together in a relationship that enriches my life. I don’t need him in my life but want him in it. My first marriage taught me what I didn’t want & I feel so strongly that I would never sacrifice my well being again. My happiness is important, I’m important and I think I lost myself for most of my 20’s.

Yes I've been there. I was older than you when I made the jump. The relief at being single was just wonderful. I eventually met someone else. It really opened my eyes to what a healthy relationship is. I knew my ex relationship was no longer good, because there had been some very obvious (addiction related) issues, but when I met my (now) DH, I realised I hadn't ever really been in a good, healthy, grown up relationship.

We are equals. We share the load in every respect. He shows me he loves me in what he says and does. He doesn't play games, is totally dependable. Is a great step father to my DCs. We've been together a long time now and it hasn't diminished - I fancy the pants off him and the feeling is mutual.

When I read that back, I sound smug. But I'm really not. I had a lot of hard years and I count my blessings every day that life can be this good.

Hey op. How did things go for you? I’m in a similar boat. Been with my partner almost 2 years and I’ve started to feel unfulfilled for a while now. He has financial difficulties which is causing a lot of stress and impacting the relationship. Ive stood by him and supported him but it’s been a while now and I feel somethings missing. I need excitement and I wonder if he’ll be able to give me that. He’s a great guy and ticks a lot of boxes and we have good times. I’m also early 30s and conscious that I’m getting older/want a family so not sure what to do. Do I wait and see if things will improve?