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Original poster

Dating - How far is too far?

19 replies

Tuilpmouse · 16/02/2023 08:43

So, I've started dating someone who lives just over an hour away.... It feels right on the cusp of being too far, but I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable... I was wondering what others think is generally the maximum acceptable time/distance away from someone they we're starting to date.

OP posts:
JoanCandy · 16/02/2023 08:54

Hi - that would probably be about my limit too. Do you have your own transport ? I suppose a pro of this arrangement is that they can’t just drop by, unannounced, or maybe that’s just me 😂

Watchkeys · 16/02/2023 09:34

Why does it matter to you what other people think? Some people will be happy traveling and spending lots of time, some won't. What difference does it make to how far you are willing to travel? What bearing does it have, when people have different parameters to you in terms of available money, time, and energy? Are you trying to find out if you're normal in how you feel about it?

mummymeister · 16/02/2023 09:38

an hour is nothing if its someone you really like surely. this isnt ancient times when you had to pair up with someone in your own village! if both of you can travel then meeting half way is half an hour isnt it. what you are effectively saying is that if you fell in love with him and he then for work reasons had to move 3 or 4 hours away that would be it? never occured to me when I was dating how far away they were based I was more interested in whether they were fun to be with and added something to my life than whether the car went 40 miles or 60 miles to enable us to meet up.

stealthninjamum · 16/02/2023 09:43

It depends on your lifestage and what you want in the future. If you both have kids / schools / mortgage etc and would eventually like a relationship then I think it would be too far unless your dc were likely to move out. If you’re renting in your 20s, no kids and fairly mobile then do it.

I’m older, with dc, long term plans to move in with dp but not yet. Luckily he’s a 20 minute drive away so I can pop in for a coffee and a cuddle. I wouldn’t have dated someone who was more than 30 minutes drive or train away.

SpinningFloppa · 16/02/2023 10:20

I would actually prefer that but then I don't date people in the local area so avoid anyone local. 2 hours would be my limit though as I don't drive.

Zanatdy · 16/02/2023 14:26

I think it’s ok. My bf lives around 35 mins on a good day (or late at night), 45 some days. I do the travelling at the moment but that will change in the future though probably be more me. I do see him sometimes in the town we both work. We don’t see each other all the time at the moment due to childcare - I would be happy driving over twice a week

Minikievs · 16/02/2023 14:30

That's too far for me. However, I've got kids so need to factor in the childcare availability and pick up times etc.
If their dad is picking them up at 7pm, I wouldn't get to my date til 8 at the earliest.
Without kids, I'd consider it, but it would be an issue for me long term. Whilst "dating" it would be ok. Just not sustainable

ComtesseDeSpair · 16/02/2023 14:31

I live in London, so travelling for an hour or more to get somewhere, meet friends, or go on a date is perfectly normal and everyday. If neither of you want to travel for an hour then when dating again least you just agree to meet somewhere in the middle of you both and alternate the trips to each other’s areas. The only issue further down the line may be if one of you already has children and working out the logistics of schools etc - but even then, it’s not ends of the earth type of travel.

ThisWormHasTurned · 16/02/2023 14:31

I’m in a LDR with someone I met online in a ‘We’ve extended your search range because there’s no-one in your area’ type way! He’s an hour’s drive away but fortunately we both drive. Realistically we’d only see each other every other weekend anyway because we are both single parents. He does 50/50, I do more like 80/20. So we co-ordinated our weekends without the kids and make the most of those weekends! I honestly don’t know what will happen long term, we haven’t talked about it..but I enjoy his company and we are having fun now. Worry about the future later!

Cocopogo · 16/02/2023 14:34

Depends if you both drive etc. I think travelling half an hour each is fine. I’d say travelling about an hour is fine so can double that for halfway point.

Cocopogo · 16/02/2023 14:35

Just to add however I am more wary of people who live far away sometimes they want to travel further as they have a partner already and don’t want to risk bumping in to people they know etc

Iamclearlyamug · 16/02/2023 14:48

I don't know, it's a weird one.

I did a 4.5 year relationship properly long distance (4 hour flight!) away and found that quite easy

Later on dated a guy 1hr 20mins away by car (both drove and had own cars) but between work and childcare it was a major pain in the arse and it didn't work out 🤷‍♀️

I think it depends on the 2 of you as individuals - if you want to make it work then u likely will, just think about who would be most likely to move in the future!

Summer2424 · 16/02/2023 14:53

Hi @Tuilpmouse when i was dating my now husband he literally lived about 5 miles from me but we live in a very congested area so it would take me about 30 mins if not longer to get to his house.
An hour is ok i'd say especially if you really like him 👍

80s · 16/02/2023 14:57

Depends on what you want from the relationship.
I've been with my dp 6 years - he's on the other side of town, but that is a 45-minute trip. I travel to his slightly more often as he has a child, so that's 1.5 to 3 hours of travelling for me per week. I have the time for that, and I like being in his part of town (my area is much quieter).
Another guy I was dating, I'm pretty sure he was using the distance to hide other relationships (no chance of me seeing anything untoward).

winterbegone · 16/02/2023 15:00

I've always thought up to an hour is fine as long as they are keen to travel and take turns.

XmasElf10 · 16/02/2023 16:28

My boyfriend is 45mins from DDs dad and an hour from my house. We see each other every Friday evening and every other weekend. Works ok for us. I drop DD to her dad on a Friday and then pop over to see boyf and pick her up on a Saturday morning on the way back.

Weekenders · 16/02/2023 17:30

It very much depends on the person and circumstances.

It's definitely doable in the right circumstances (and definitely not in the wrong ones)

Johnisafckface · 16/02/2023 18:18

I dated someone that lived about 50 mins away from me. We saw each other Sat - Sun every week, and I usually went to his and the drive never bothered me cause I adored him.

However my ex lived about 15 mins away and I always went to his house and over time it became a chore. ANd that's because I just wasn't that into him. If I had a boyfriend that lived only 15 mins away and I was really into him, I'd probably be at his house multiple times a week. But with my ex it was tough for me to gather the energy to see him once a week.

TifT · 16/02/2023 18:42

It would be too far for me. To be honest I wouldn’t want to travel that far after a day at work.

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