It's my decision - have been thinking about it for ages and spoken to a few key people in my life for support in making the decision. We were teenage sweethearts so I've never known anything else but things haven't been right for a while - he's been looking at cam girls a lot, promised to stop, kept relapsing. A lot of arguing, sex increasingly infrequent, lack of affection. Basically living like coparents/flatmates but with a lot of silent treatment thrown in. I feel like I have thrown everything at it for the last couple of years. Cried, pleaded, tried to give him more attention, asked to go to relationship counselling together. Eventually, I ended up cheating on him last week (have never done this before) and realised that we couldn't go on torturing each other any longer.
He seems completely blindsided and said he thought everything was fine. I feel absolutely inhuman for hurting him but also gobsmacked that he thought everything was ok. I guess because I gave up fighting for us, he thought all was well as no more conflict.