Irrelevant Parent

[ChrimbleCrumble]

I was just reading a lovely Facebook tribute someone wrote about their dad who passed away this afternoon. Lots of comments from the man’s grandchildren and other family members.

And it made me think that I couldn’t write that about my dad. If he died, we wouldn’t really notice. He’s largely irrelevant to my life, my sister’s life and my children’s life. We see him maybe twice a year (one of which we’d travel to him). He rarely if ever calls. He’s too busy with my step-mother’s massive brood!!

My tribute would be “He might as well have died 20 years ago when my mum died. Provided significant financial support, otherwise emotionally bankrupt. Won’t be missed. His grandchildren barely knew him.”

That makes me sad. I know lots of people have awful abusive parents, so I’m grateful his failing is that he’s an emotionally distant ass.

Does anyone else have the same thought about a parent? Wonder if anyone has tried counselling for this sort of thing?

I haven't spoken to my dad since I went to visit him 5 years ago and realised he hadn't changed at all. No need for a relationship with that man - not even sure I'd be told if he died to be honest.

Both of mine are like this I sometimes think that if I died they wouldn’t even notice

Yes my Dad is the same. I feel like I already grieved for him years ago. He just did not know how to be a Father and still doesn’t make any effort. I gave up but your post definitely resonates with me.

I've been no contact with my father for 34 years, I was 21 when he left my mother for another woman, I'm 55 this year. He was barely in my life for the previous decade beforehand as he was working abroad for a lot of it (and acting like he was a single man). He'd never actually wanted children in the first place, and as soon as myself and my two brothers got old enough to have personalities of our own, he lost any little interest he'd had in us.

He's still alive, as far as I know. 'Irrelevant parent' is a good way to describe him. Like @PussInBin20 , I feel like I mourned both my parents (they were both crap, ruined our childhoods, I've not seen my mother in 13 years, very low contact) years ago. I'm sad it's turned out this way but for the sake of my own mental health I'm not willing to change it. I'm being treated for C-PTSD, but getting the appropriate counselling on the NHS is very difficult...I've been waiting 2 years so far.