Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Friend has gone quiet on me after asserting boundaries.

22 replies

thewinterqueen · 14/02/2023 19:36

So essentially, this is a post asking for advice...

I have a friend of 6 years, who has been getting me to drive her child to college every week. It's been very stressful, because the child is always running late, which makes me late. It was meant to be a temporary thing, but became permanent. I used to go in that direction, but I don't if I am feeling unwell, which is quite often atm. I suffer from very bad chronic pain condition, and need to rest more now. She also got me to do it when she was off work, because she said it made her run late for doing other things. Anyway, I have posted previously about it, and I finally told her no more. I said the traffic was stressful, and it was putting too much pressure on me. Ever since then, she has stopped talking to me. SHe used to make an effort and call all the time, but now she has stopped. I've sent messages, which she responds to in a normal way, but I feel like the friendship is falling apart because I'm no longer running around after her. It is quite hurtful. I had considered her a good friend, but now Im not sure at all.

OP posts:
WhineWhineWINE · 14/02/2023 19:39

If her friendship was based solely on how useful she was to you, then perhaps it's not much of a loss?

feathermucker · 14/02/2023 19:40

You've got 2 threads on this. It gets confusing!

TreadLightly3 · 14/02/2023 19:41

WhineWhineWINE · 14/02/2023 19:39

If her friendship was based solely on how useful she was to you, then perhaps it's not much of a loss?

This.

It is gutting to be in this situation but at the end of the day it seems like she was a bit of a user and you are much better off without her in your life

WhineWhineWINE · 14/02/2023 19:45

I meant how useful you are to her, obviously. Sorry I've had wine 😆

Original poster
thewinterqueen · 14/02/2023 19:45

WhineWhineWINE · 14/02/2023 19:39

If her friendship was based solely on how useful she was to you, then perhaps it's not much of a loss?

I agree. I just find it hurtful, and was hoping for some advice on how to deal with the disappointment. I feel like a bit of a mug.

OP posts:
PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 14/02/2023 19:46

Yes, I'm afraid she's a user and was using you Sad

WhineWhineWINE · 14/02/2023 19:47

You've stood up for yourself and stopped letting her take advantage of your kindness. That's a brave thing to do, be proud of it x

Original poster
thewinterqueen · 14/02/2023 19:47

WhineWhineWINE · 14/02/2023 19:47

You've stood up for yourself and stopped letting her take advantage of your kindness. That's a brave thing to do, be proud of it x

Thank you love. I appreciate that. I just feel hurt about it all.

OP posts:
WhineWhineWINE · 14/02/2023 19:49

Of course you do, it's massively disappointing. But you deserve better friends xx

MrsMikeDrop · 14/02/2023 19:50

That sounds fantastic, you won't have to deal with this user anymore. Move on and forget about it

Xrays · 14/02/2023 19:57

So it’s okay for you to be late but not her?! What a cheeky fucker! You are well rid even if you don’t feel it now.

helloelsie · 14/02/2023 20:11

You've been a great friend. You need to keep telling yourself this and it's her loss. People do this, they ghost and disappear all the time. You've done nothing wrong - this is her issue and unfortunately things like this do happen, whether it's a friend of 2 months or 20 years it can happen. People will be removed from your life who aren't right for you, it will hurt and please allow yourself time to feel the hurt and loss and mourn the friendship if you so wish, but know that anyone who treats you like this is not meant for you. Better people will come along. ❤️

Veryxonfused · 14/02/2023 20:15

You should tell her how hurtful this is & cut her off anyway. It would piss me for forever if I didn’t get it off my chest (although I’m a whimp and generally don’t)

LadyKenya · 14/02/2023 20:18

Think of it as one less stressful thing in your life.

TrishM80 · 14/02/2023 20:34

She's not a good friend, she was using you as a free taxi service. And if I was in a situation where a friend was giving one of my kids a lift every day (which I can't imagine because I'd never force such an imposition on a friend), I'd make damn sure they were there 15 minutes early every morning!

You're well rid of her!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/02/2023 20:39

She got her ill friend to give her child lifts, even when she was off work, so she wasnt late for 'other things'? Can you see how ridiculous that sounds? I honestly think you're better off without her and you should be proud that you put some completely reasonable boundaries in place and found out what she is really like

Original poster
thewinterqueen · 14/02/2023 20:41

Thank you, guys. I really appreciate your words. I am looking back on it and seeing how messed up it was. I need to stop being a people pleaser, but I am glad thst I stood up for myself.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 14/02/2023 20:54

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 14/02/2023 20:39

She got her ill friend to give her child lifts, even when she was off work, so she wasnt late for 'other things'? Can you see how ridiculous that sounds? I honestly think you're better off without her and you should be proud that you put some completely reasonable boundaries in place and found out what she is really like

Exactly. I have chronic pain so I understand. This is ridiculous. She was never a friend.

Greenfairydust · 14/02/2023 20:55

I have had something a bit similar recently.

A long term friend stopped replying after I said I could not run an errand for her. I had Covid and then needed to sort out my move to a new home after selling my property so I had no time or energy to do what she expected me to do.

She went silent after that. The way I see if these people were ''friends'' only for what they could get out if us they were never really friends in the first place, so no great loss.

Blogswife · 14/02/2023 21:06

I received some great advice once that some friends are friends “for now” and some are friends “ forever “
Friends for now are there for a purpose or during a certain phase in your life . You don’t fall out as such , just drift apart when that purpose has been fulfilled .
It’s helped me to cope with feelings of loss and guilt and I feel no regret for long forgotten friends . It’s just how life goes .

LakeTiticaca · 14/02/2023 21:16

She's a massive CF. You are well rid of her

PinkSyCo · 14/02/2023 21:26

She’s having a sulk. Leave her be and, if your friendship ever meant anything at all to her, she will be in contact when she’s got over you standing up for yourself.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread