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Original poster

Partner always lies

20 replies

Fedupmama09 · 13/02/2023 22:01

Does anyone else's partner constantly lie about little things?

My partner has always exhagurated things, talking to people he will add things on that he didn't really say or didn't really happen. In the beginning of our relationship I brushed it off that he was trying to make himself look good in front of friends so never corrected him. The biggest lie (I think) he ever told me was that he had 2 kids when he actually has 3. I was already 4 months pregnant at that point and decided to forgive him and move on (there is a long back story to that lie that I won't go in to).

Lately I have noticed he's lying on a more constant basis. He will lie to me about things his kids/ex/dad have said, lie about stealing things from the shop (he doesn't steal but tells me he has, not sure why), lies about almost getting in to fights with people, how much alcohol he's drank... the list could go on and on.

The lie that is bothering me the most is about him talking to other women on fb. There's nothing in it and I'm not concerned he would cheat but it's the deleting the messages and then lying he's talked to any women that's upsetting me. It's getting daily. I've asked him why he keeps lying and he says because I'll get on his back about it and blows up in anger.

We have been together almost 10 years now and I'm tiring of the lies. Anyone else gone through this? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Bonbon21 · 13/02/2023 22:13

It is not the fact that he is lying, its the fact that you both know he is.... and he doesnt give a shit!
How do you tell when he is being truthful?
He isnt going to change because he has learned he doesnt have to.... you are enabling this.
For me, when the trust is gone, I am done.

DatingDinosaur · 13/02/2023 22:26

Sounds like he’s desensitising you to his lying so when he tells the truth (eg. about chatting to women on fb) you’ll think he’s lying and he can get away with virtual cheating on you right under your nose.

How he handled you questioning him about it tells you all you need to know about him really. Basically he’s telling you to shut up questioning his lies.

I dumped a guy who told little white lies. Not because of the lies, but because of the face he pulled when I asked him about the lies. He glared at me and told me I was insecure. Nope. Just caught you out in your lies mate, bye.

As you haven’t asked for advice on what to do, I won’t tell you to ditch him and find someone who isn’t a head-fuck.

Landndialamrhf · 13/02/2023 22:29

He pretended one of his kids didn’t exist.

I think expecting this person to tell the truth or be reasonable is setting yourself and your relationship up for failure.

TetherEndOfMy · 13/02/2023 22:36

Why did he lie about one of his kids? You say that's another story but it seems pretty relevant. Aka if he doesn't see them and us a deadbeat.

Original poster
Fedupmama09 · 14/02/2023 00:11

It's at the point that I don't even know if he realises he's doing it sometimes. His mental health has been deteriorating for a couple of years now, and he's finally accepted that he needs help. I thought him speaking to someone would help with his excessive lying too, but that seems to be getting worse. Some days, it's like he's a different person completely.
I have autism and have never been able to wrap my head around people lying. Which leads me to question whether I might be overreacting about the whole thing 🤔

OP posts:
Original poster
Fedupmama09 · 14/02/2023 00:12

A shorter version about the third child. He had split up with his partner because she had apparently cheated on him and he didn't think 3rd child was his so until she agreed to do a DNA test he didn't have anything to do with the baby. We were friends with benefits 🙈 he told me he had 2 kids and within the first 2 weeks of us sleeping together I was pregnant. Months passed and we went to a celebration at his families house where his cousin fetched up about 3rd child while drunk. He was the dad. He has contact with all 3 children now and they come stay with us on the weekends. His reasoning for not telling me was that in the beginning we weren't really a couple and as time passed he didn't know how to tell me he actually had 3 children.

OP posts:
Ringsender2 · 14/02/2023 00:17

Fedupmama09 · 14/02/2023 00:11

It's at the point that I don't even know if he realises he's doing it sometimes. His mental health has been deteriorating for a couple of years now, and he's finally accepted that he needs help. I thought him speaking to someone would help with his excessive lying too, but that seems to be getting worse. Some days, it's like he's a different person completely.
I have autism and have never been able to wrap my head around people lying. Which leads me to question whether I might be overreacting about the whole thing 🤔

One of our old neighbours was a bit like this. Told tall stories when the truth or no information would be way easier.

I think you have hit the nail on the head when you mention mental illness.

My neighbour's marriage didn't survive, although I'm not sure how his wife put up with it for so long tbh.

It is not something I could endure, although i completely understand why one would get bogged down in it and majorly start to doubt your judgement. A head-wreck.

Good luck getting out from it

Aquamarine1029 · 14/02/2023 00:17

You should have dumped this man years ago. You have completely gaslit yourself into believing his never ending lies are not that big of a problem. They are a HUGE problem, and he would absolutely cheat on you. Why wouldn't he? You sit there and swallow every line of bullshit he throws at you, and he hasn't had to suffer any consequences. I'm truly gobsmacked that you are still in a relationship with this twat.

TheShellBeach · 14/02/2023 00:22

YABU to have a baby and not be married to the father.

Ghostbuster2639 · 14/02/2023 01:26

So instead of caring about your opinion of him he tells lies to you that put him in a terrible light. He wants you to think he’s a thief, violent and a pisshead. And recently he wants you to think he’s being inappropriate with other women.

For some reason he wants you to think he’s a dickhead.

Lying is emotional abuse. He is abusing you by doing this and as you say he blows up I'm guessing this isn’t the only way he emotionally abuses you.

What happens when he blows up? Has he ever physically hurt you op?

BrightSaturn · 14/02/2023 03:47

So he’s lying and then blaming you for why he’s lying? He sounds lovely…

SpringIntoChaos · 14/02/2023 03:57

TheShellBeach · 14/02/2023 00:22

YABU to have a baby and not be married to the father.

How is this helpful? (Clue: it's not!!) 🤦‍♀️

BritInAus · 14/02/2023 04:00

Are you overreacting? Goodness, the fact you're still with him seems to be an enomrous underreaction to me....

autienotnaughty · 14/02/2023 05:48

Is it deliberate to cause pain or hurt? I'm terrible socially and sometimes someone will ask me a question and I will confidently answer and then realise I've totally lied. I've not meant to but it's happened. Or I will tell a story and add something to connect me to the person I'm talking to and at the time I'm sure it's true but it isn't. I don't tend to do it with dh tho.

user1492757084 · 14/02/2023 06:13

Your husband perhaps has early stage dementia or a personality problem. He can't see the difference between fact and fiction nor the importance of being truthful. Unless he is telling a sory to entertain, or embellishing a joke, I would not put up with it any more. I would insist that he saw a doctor or a psychiatrist for an assessment. Don't trust him to be an executor of your will or any legal gardian etc. Has he had a head injury? Could he have a brain tuma? Does he play contact sport? Has he suffered concussion?

category12 · 14/02/2023 06:21

He obviously has a problem, a proper "compulsive liar" for whatever psychological reason, but is it your job to put up with it endlessly?

Your autism isn't what makes this an issue, it would be an issue for any NT woman too.

It says something worrying about him that he apparently aspires to be an even worse person than he is.

I wouldn't be surprised if he would and does cheat on you.

Does his therapist even know about this aspect of his behaviour?

gettingalifttothestation · 14/02/2023 06:23

His talking to other women on fb ? And you think this is ok ? If he is depleting messages then he is not trustworthy. He is cheating on you under your nose and making you think this is ok. Has he brainwashed you or something. Please wake up. You are with a lying cheat. You need to get rid of him. Raise your bar

emptythelitterbox · 14/02/2023 06:25

Why have you stayed with this liar for so long?

Killjoy124 · 27/10/2024 22:23

TheShellBeach · 14/02/2023 00:22

YABU to have a baby and not be married to the father.

Are we back in the 70's? That's some old way of thinking you've got there

TheShellBeach · 27/10/2024 23:53

Killjoy124 · 27/10/2024 22:23

Are we back in the 70's? That's some old way of thinking you've got there

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a) Marriage is a legal contract which gives women with children financial protection in the event of a split.

b) This thread is nearly two years old.

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