Hey all I honestly need opinion and advice because I have no one else I can actually as for opinion or advice without me getting she sense that they have an hidden agenda...
sorry for the long story....
so me and my boyfriend have been best friends for 2 years before we started dating and have been together for 5 years now august it will be 6 years, after dating for 3 years we fell pregnant but it was the worst timing ever, we had just moved into our own place he got promoted to manager at that time life was good... When I found out I was pregnant I freaked out completely I wanted to abort the baby (please don't hate me) my boyfriend convinced me to keep the baby, he had promised me that he will not run away nor would he ever just leave so I ended up giving birth to our son. He was an amazing, wonderful, reliable, understanding partner I couldn't ask for better he really treated me like a Queen...then COVID struck and the lockdown happened so we ended up giving up our apartment and moving back in with my mom and dad, and that was a big mistake it really was but anyway this was 2020, since then the opportunity to get a well paying job was impossible we live in a small town with 1 main road and that's it so tension started getting very hectic and a lot of fighting happened every day it turned into a toxic environment and it hurt our relationship enormously... So my partner decided to go seek a better life for our family in a bigger town about 2 hours from here he made so many promises and he has not stuck to a single one of them sad enough, he goes out drinking a lot more I every now and again hear rumors about what's going on that side he hasn't seen his son in almost 4 months now and it doesn't seem to bother him, days can go past without him even reading a WhatsApp from me, he declines my calls when I do try to phone and all of this has been going on for 6months now... My biggest concern is I am pulling away from my son, I don't have the needed patience, I don't play with him outside, I don't spend the needed time with him, I am constantly busy with something else, I am short tempered, I am unreasonable with him sometimes but I can't stop myself it just happens sometimes without me even realizing it and that is starting to concern me, my partner was my soul mate and he gave me his word he will never let me do this alone, but now he's been gone for 6 months and 5 out of those he has been working for a 13000 salary, so take 13000 x 5 that's 65000 is it unreasonable for me to think if me and our son were that important he could have made a plan by now???
He keeps on saying I shouldn't give up hope we will get back together he just needs time to set up a place to stay that side. And I personally think that all the hurt I've been feeling the disappointment the neglect the anger the loniness all those things have had an impact on my son and that was nor ever would be my intention....
I don't know what to do anymore, I don't have a job nor can I find one seeing as every 2nd business in this town is busy closing down I just feel like a clomplete failure I am turning into the mother I never wanted to be.
whats wrong with me???????