Am I being irrational and miserable?

[Doodles29]

Hi all.

My boyfriend’s (of 1 year) Nan is poorly and currently in hospital as of yesterday. My boyfriend’s Mum is a single parent, and although I get on ok with her and she isn’t intrusive of our time, I feel that she can be a little selfish and that my boyfriend plays the ‘parent’ role between them. she will always call him when she needs something, but never to have a genuine ‘I wanted to know how you are’ conversation.

He pays for her when we go out, even on his birthday meal. He went out to football the other day and suggested that me and his mum go out together. I was stung for the bill. By no means am I tight, but I was in an 8 year relationship before and ended giving too much to the relationship and my ex’s very strange family. I just don’t want to be taken advantage of.

i am a teacher, so I am on half term break at the moment. Me and my boyfriend don’t live together and I have his car today. My boyfriend’s mum calls and says that she needs to go to the hospital because she wants to drop her mum some bits in. She drives but said today she didn’t want to, so asked if I could take her. My boyfriend is on his way back from work and I called him to see what he was doing. He said that he needed to walk his dog; but would come if we needed him.

part of me was like, hold on? How is this my problem? I felt like everyone was pushing things onto me.

im on my way now but am I being miserable and ungiving? My heart has been hurt in the past and I want to be kind but don’t want to give too much.

I hope I don’t sound grumpy! I’ve had a few mood swings recently, so suspect an incoming period! Thank you

What does she mean, she doesn't want to drive? Pfft tough! Tell her to get her arse behind the wheel and drive herself. She sounds difficult as hell. There's just no need to ask you when there's no genuine reason why she can't drive herself.

I think it’s going to be the more you give the more they’ll take. I’d nip it in the bud now. No, I’m busy, no, I can’t do that I’ve already arranged whatever should work.

Thank you both. Pleased to know that maybe I wasn’t being irrational. X

@Doodles29 Sorry if I sounded a bit abrupt there. I'm dealing with a difficult parent myself so think I projected a little anger there. I still stand by what I said though. @Justmeandthedog1 gives good advice x

So if she didn't want to drive to the shops you should?

Well, the bit about her and your boyfriend's relationship is irrelevant. But if you're suddenly slipping into co-carer role when you don't even live with this man, I would think there's a potential problem. Driving her if she had no other options would be a kind thing to do. Driving her becuase she jus doesn't want to is not something I'd expect you OR your boyfriend to do, but he might want to. You don't have to.

Why didn't you say no? It sounds like they're both taking the piss.

I usually pay for my Mums meals out etc, my siblings do too and dh and his siblings do the same with his mum. His Dad can drive but every now and then he doesn't feel safe to do so and asks one of his adult children, he usually does ask for someone to take him to hospital appointments because he struggles in that environment and often doesn't sleep, can't find a parking spot and he gets so overstimulated he's probably not actually safe to drive sometimes. bil often lends his car to his partner but his partner doesn't mind running fil to the odd appointment because it's five and take in other areas. Fil will do their shopping for example, take the kids on holidays, he pays for their lunches and fuel when he is given lifts and he really appreciates the support.

If you feel like your boyfriends mum is taking the piss and expecting things you've never agreed to, then I can see why it's pissing you off . Does she have any siblings she can go visit her Mam with?

OP, you're inviting these people to take advantage of you. If she phones and asks if you can do something, and you don't want to, you say "Maybe John will do it when he comes back. Why don't you phone him?" and leave the rest for the two of them to sort out. You don't take on responsibility for it either by driving her, or even by phoning her son for her.
When they say "You are paying", you laugh and say "No, I'm not!"
That way, you won't feel taken advantage of.

When you say she's a single mum, you mean to your bf's brother or sister, right? Not to him, an adult man living his own life?