Positive stories of relocating for partner

[MissBPotter]

I read quite a bit on here of women who move for their partner’s job and regret it, and I’m quite aware that I could be very lonely might really regret moving!

Dh has been very keen for a few years now to move to his home area. He’s got an interview this afternoon for a great job, good money and benefits and located in his ideal area. He would be near to family and some friends (although not right next door or anything). If we do go I will have to leave my job, but I’m a teacher and feeling like I’m super stressed and not sure I want to do it anymore so maybe it would be a blessing in disguise for me……

I like the area that he wants to move to, its much more affordable than where we are now (SE england) and though i have family here I don’t have many friends - people aren’t at all friendly and I don’t seem to fit in with the school mums who mostly don’t work, or only work very part time. So I do worry about loneliness if we move but I rarely see friends anyway at the moment.

I feel bad if I say no to moving as we have lived here for years near my family and dh doesn’t like it here.

Anyone got positive stories of moving a long way with dh/dp (and kids!) and it working out well?!

Can’t be a great sign that no-one has answered 😂

Me! I moved twelve years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. I gradually made great friends and the only thing I regret is not doing it earlier.

How old are your kids, are they still at an 'easy to move' fairly young age?

Just go.
I relocated myself from the south east to Somerset and thank every single day that I did.
People are super friendly here, there is lots to do, I've downsized financially to a bigger house and cut my mortgage payments in half.
I had hardly any friend in the SE but have loads here.

I'll be honest, it's tough. I relocated from london to the north east, today I was turned down for a job I am over qualified for because I didn't have as much local knowledge as the successful candidate (admittedly that could have been a polite way of telling me they didn't like me but who knows).

Make sure you really scope out the job market, it can be a shock moving elsewhere. Particularly from an area with a more buoyant job market

Thank you so much for replying it’s good
to get some positives. And thank you @NotMyDayJob for your honesty. That sounds very disheartening. I am considering not
teaching anymore but I know the market is much more competitive there. It’s dead easy to get a job here at the moment, we are desperate for teachers at my school and literally can’t recruit anyone.
we would be able reduce our mortgage payments and get a bigger house.
Kids are another area I worry about as they are 8,6 and 1. One year old fine and older two are keen to
be nearer dh family and love the area…. But they would undoubtedly miss my family too, plus of
course school. If we leave it any later though it would be harder for our oldest especially.

Moved 3 years ago. Best decision ever. Love my life up here. Sometimes miss my old friends but make time to see the ones that really matte

I doesn't sound like there's a lot that's holding you back other than the fear of the unknown. I'd say if there are no massive financial consequences, it's worth giving it a go. We only have one life and this could be an opportunity to start something new, as you don't seem to enjoy your current job anyway (fully understand, with the pressures teachers are under).
For what it's worth, I moved countries to be with my now husband. Left my career, friends, family. It's totally been worth it, although wouldn't necessarily recommend anyone to do it as recklessly as I did (no financial security and our first - planned - child on the way). You still have small children - I found it easy to make friends through childrens' groups/activities/school.
Good luck!

No experience moving with kids but moved from Scandinavia to England for my husband 20 years ago and am very happy with the decision. It was hard and relationships did eventually change with people from back home (sadly), so I’d bear that in mind as a possibility. Good luck OP. I always think it’s better to try and for it to fail than always wonder what if.

@MissBPotter how did things go? Did you decide to move ?

@MissBPotter how did things go? Did you decide to move ?

@lololy not yet. Put our house on the market but hasn’t sold. Under a lot of pressure from my family not to move!! Which is stressful. And possibly now thinking of moving somewhere else but much closer to home. Also worried about being isolated and not making friends. I don’t really have many friends here though so I don’t know. Are you thinking of a move?

@MissBPotter

We moved away from our home town 2 years ago for my husband's job . I totally understand when you say you had family pressure not to move - I also experienced a lot of pressure to stay in our home town and the guilt I now feel due to going against that is not pleasant. I am in a slightly better place emotionally now 2 years down the line, and I do really like our new location - it has many many positives to it ; but there is not a single day that goes by where I don't pine for our old area and home.

My best advice is to listen to your gut, it's never wrong. It doesn't scream at you, it whispers quietly and my biggest regret is not listening to my gut . I wish I had stayed put!

Oh wow thanks it’s good to hear your point of view. I am not sure what my gut is saying but I do need to try to listen to it. I’m really bad at that somehow! Family pressure is not something I’ve experience whenever I’ve moved before, but now we have kids they are really unhappy about the thought of us not being close. Which I do understand as they are getting older as well, meaning it’s harder to travel. But my dh doesn’t get to see his family much at all right now. I hope things improve for you!

@MissBPotter
Totally understand this.
Would you be potentially moving somewhere half way with the idea that it would be more even with getting to both sides of the family ?
I wouldn't say that it would be fair to move to his family and then consequently leaves yours.
I can understand moving half way. BUT you would need to ask yourself if you would be happy with that . It's a big deal moving - even bigger when it's a relocation plus children in tow!

Rent for a year first

Be clear with him it’s temporary

It doesn’t sound like you like where you are, so it may be a good move, but don’t agree to being shifted like a chattel - just try it

My DH moved to be with me. He hasn't said he regrets it and has found a good job. He likes being close to London.

However, prices have gone up so much here that a move elsewhere would be financially better for us now. I'm happy to relocate if there is a chance things will work out better for us elsewhere.

This. OP, you do need to take your focus off what other people want and focus on exactly what you want. Don’t be swayed by anyone else’s wishes.