Please help me to unpick ...
I was married for twenty years, he cheated and left. I was relieved . He was a useless husband and father.
I spent the first year supporting my kids who were distraught from it and setting up hime and navigating this new life. I did feel lonely at times as covid arrived soon after the split. I felt free but scared, liberates but lonely at times.
I met a man after a year. We were together for over two years . We only met at weekends due to me having kids the rest of the week . It suited. It was a lovely break for a. Very stressful lifewith work and kids etc.
He showed himself to be selfish and uncaring when I became unwell and needed support . Long story short,I finished with him for this.
My kids are now with me full time as they had a huge falling out with their dad as he became aggressive and threatening towards them. The youngest has anxiety and is essentially stick to me. He is 13. The other children are relatively independent teens so have their own friends, lives, part time jobs etc.
I don't miss exh or ex bf but I have the kids with me every weekend now with no break. The youngest as I said has anxiety which is also very draining and claustrophobic at times and as much as I love him, I find it crippling at times .
I find now that I have more free time , I am anxious, needy, lonely and a little insecure .
I find myself contacting my closest friends a lot more and not being able to explain myself .
They are also so busy with their family lives .
I don't seem to be able to articulate how I'm feeling but I'm definitely unsettled and anxious.
I have no personal time really anymore so I go to bed early.
Please help me unpick. How can I rebuild my confidence and my security please?
I'm no Mary poppins but I'm doing my best for my kids as much as I can and we live in a relatively happy and peaceful home which in and of itself is a huge improvement .
Thanks for reading .