I am paranoid/anxious and it’s destroying my life

[Mentahealthhe]

I’ve always had ocd, anxiety etc since I was a child. However in the last two years or so the paranoia element has become huge. I am suspicious of everyone to varying degrees. Examples include thinking I will be poisoned at the mc donnakds drive thru as I can’t see which burger they’ve chosen for me and if it was a calculated choice. I always think people are talking about me behind my back, and although I’m lucky I have 4 friends I trust (they don’t know each other) I still have moments where I doubt them, will worry, send a follow up text to assess the reception I get etc. I am not aware they know I am worrying to this extent though they know generally I tend to worry.

the thing is I am reasonably good at hiding this and from the outside, to a stranger, it appears I have a good job, I’m good fun, laugh a lot and (according to my friends) I am their number one go to for advice etc.

but the reality is I am crackers. Even posting this I will worry mumsnet knows who I am.

I think up scenarios all the time and if I’m driving and there’s a police car I will assume it’s for me until they pass. Then I will worry I was speeding and expect to have a call from police any moment - this worry could go on for days until I move into the next thing.

any calls from unknown number alarm me and if I miss the call and there’s no voicemail, I will think I am in some sort of trouble. The problem with this is I never dare turn my phone off as it would make me so anxious if I turned it on and there was a missed call of this nature. It means I have no autonomy in my own life, or that’s how it feels.

i messaged an old school friend on Instagram a few months ago to say congratulations on her baby and immediately panicked as I remembered at school we fell out and I thought my message would remind her of that and she would start talking about me to old school friends. Utterly ridiculous as she has a new baby and I certainly won’t be on her mind!

when at shops etc I worry people are looking at me and in extreme moments I worry cctv is set up to trap me.

if I don’t hear from friends in a while I worry if I died nobody would come to my funeral and how embarrassing that would be, except it wouldn’t be as I would be dead…!

i hide so much of my life as I worry people will try and hurt me otherwise. When i had my dc and after my ex left, I spent a LOT of time worrying about social services if I hadn’t cleaned the kitchen one night for instance, I thought people would come round to peer in the window and report me. This sometimes comes up still but less so.

it’s odd because I can have totally normal days but once I get onto a stream of worrying I can’t stop. I don’t know how to get help for this really. I feel so stressed.

This sounds awful @Mentahealthhe have you spoken to your GP about the extent of this?

In my own experience of this, it took facing head on into my personal trauma to get over this. I had really shitty experiences of betrayal with people I should have been able to trust (family) and it rocked my world to the core. I felt utterly anxious and paranoid but honestly I was very right to be wary as some people had done truly awful things.

My belief now that saves me from this is that as a part of survival as a species, human beings chase positive emotions and positive emotional experiences. That means that I can expect my dealings with the vast majority of people to be positive.

So I stay well out of toxic environments (my family included in my case) where I think you will see the most toxic behaviours, i avoid people I know to be narcissistic and honestly I am 95% recovered probably better than most people out there these days.

Talk to your GP and explain what is happening. They will offer you help.

This video explains about how you can detach from thoughts without 'buying into' the meaning of them. She has a few other free videos relating to the same thing.

Your mind is trying to keep you safe by using your imagination to create a lot of scenarios. Your particular scenarios are related to other people harming you or thinking bad of you.

Because human beings are social creatures/herd animals, we rely on being part of groups and being in society so there is a real sense of 'danger' when fears arise that others don't like us or we worry they want to harm us.

Try to think of your thoughts as being parcels of 'made up' information that your mind is generating which it thinks is helping you stay out of danger. It's like a bubble machine but your bubbles are 'People are out to get me Bubble Mixture'.

Your mind is doing that particular job too well and you are getting bombarded to the point of it's getting in your way.

Medication could help as it can lessen the anxiety and thus reduce the paranoid thoughts. Therapy can help too so please seek help from your GP and don't put your life on hold any longer.

Have you had any form of counselling. I suffer from GAD (diagnosed) and have regular counselling and have used CBT and similar techniques to help me manage my condition. It is hard but there are ways to try and improve your resilience to intrusive thoughts.

You need therapy/counselling with a therapist who is experienced in treating anxiety and paranoia

The good news is that it's very treatable.

Make the appointment with your GP to start the process.

Therapy, meds, techniques learned in therapy and I'm as good as new.