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Relationships

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Lack of effort and appreciation

3 replies

Ellbelle · 13/02/2023 09:09

A little bit stuck on where to go from here. Me and partner have been together for a few years now and have a 6 month old baby. Boyfriend works FT and I look after our son, look after the house, cooking, cleaning etc. I make effort to cook homemade dinners which normally results in partner usually finding something wrong with it. Cleaning isn’t always up to scratch in his eyes and I feel like what I’m doing isn’t quite good enough. He also moans that I’m not feeding our son the right foods (only raw fresh foods, no purées or baby products basically) but in all honesty our son hasn’t been a great sleeper up some nights every 30 minutes. So to clean the house cook dinner feed, bath look after and feed our son on minimal sleep, to then be moaned at is so frustrating. As I already have mum guilt about not having enough energy to also make homemade baby food every single day. I then wonder if I’m being touchy and he just wants the best. He is a good man and works hard. However as well as that our sex life has gone downhill, which has now been the case for over a year now. I’m only 23 and can’t see myself wanting this for the rest of my life. I’ve bought this up so many times, with him saying he has a low libido. Not sure where to go from there really? We have been on holidays recently where sex still wasn’t very frequent. Are we just incompatible. Like I said he is overall a good family man who would do anything for me and our son but just not feeling very appreciated, desired or effort being reciprocated at the moment

OP posts:
AlienSupaStar · 13/02/2023 09:14

Does your husband ever spend a full day looking after your baby? Has he ever suffered the broken nights and then look after the baby and house all day the next day?

If not, can this be arranged?

Dinersaur · 13/02/2023 09:16

I don't even know how you're finding the time to do what you are doing. How awful for you that he's behaving this way.

Book a weekend away and leave him with the baby, see how tidy the house is when you get back.

frozendaisy · 13/02/2023 09:24

You are young and a new mum.

So first you need to sleep can you nap in the day when baby naps?

If you could get a bit more food into baby, think mashed up banana, filling, healthy takes 2 minutes with a bowl and a fork. Baby might sleep a bit longer.

Housework is a pain but can you try and make it easier during the week. So at the weekend when bf is around have an hour to clear up, by this I mean anything you are using goes in a box stashed somewhere so you don't have to move lots of things to hoover for example.

You are not married so do not become financially dependent on your bf. You need to think about going back to work or study when baby gets to 1. Read some of the messages on here of women being trapped after 10/15 years of looking after a house, kids, not married, no money. Learn from other's mistakes.

But be gentle on yourself. If bf moans say your day was spent keeping a new human alive, which it was. Let him huff and puff. Say this moaning does not make you more attractive to me you know. Tell him if he doesn't think you work full time as well he is wrong.

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