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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Partner making me feel low

14 replies

Mommycool24 · 13/02/2023 00:05

Hi I’m with my partner 9 years almost. We have 3 kids. He’s diagnosed with severe depression for about 6 years now. His mood swings and horrible nature are really getting ontop of me. From I’ve had my baby 8 months ago I suffer from post natal depression. Due to this I reallyyy struggle with housework, weepy all the time, don’t really go out much, dont have much confidence in myself. I’m going through a low with it atm where I’m basically in survival mode just getting by day to day, doing the bare minimum that needs to be done, I’m trying really hard not to be hard on myself over this because my babies are clean, fed & loved & that’s my main priority. He was in such lovely form today and then tonight it just randomly took a turn. He’s works days here & there, no set hours or full time. He doesn’t really take much to do with the children’s care even when he’s home. I basically sort everything. So I made the kids a huge pizza for dinner and there was 2 slices left over. He wasn’t there and I thought he would have been out longer than what he was & as I said I’m on a low at the moment (which he is fully aware off) so I wasn’t in any mood to cook dinner, so I took the last two slices & heated them up & ate them. While I was eating them he arrived home. Nothing was said untill about 2 hours later, he was away again somewhere & rang me chewing the head of me because I didn’t cook dinner and asked me “what kind of woman are you, you can’t even cook a meal” I haven’t really been cooking full blown meals recently, it’s usually just something handy & quick, I find it hard to get motivated I’m exhausted running after 3 children all day (1 diagnosed ADHD who is extremely hard work) he then started saying that he was going to go down to his mums for something to eat because atleast she’d have a dinner for him and really started shouting at me. He always making remarks like this and I know it probably doesn’t seem like much but I already feel like a crappy person not being myself atm never mind someone else pointing it out. It’s not me being lazy or not wanting to do it, because trust me I do, I loved cooking. It feels like some sort of mental block or something stopping me.

OP posts:
BuffyTheCat · 13/02/2023 00:17

I think his comment is really sexist. I’d be tempted to reply with something like, “What kind of man are you, you can’t even work full time.” But I’m not a nice person. However, I respect myself and I’d expect my partner to respect me.

Where is this relationship going? Is sounds like you’ve both got significant difficulties, and you’re not working as a team. Is it time to end things?

Mommycool24 · 13/02/2023 00:43

BuffyTheCat · 13/02/2023 00:17

I think his comment is really sexist. I’d be tempted to reply with something like, “What kind of man are you, you can’t even work full time.” But I’m not a nice person. However, I respect myself and I’d expect my partner to respect me.

Where is this relationship going? Is sounds like you’ve both got significant difficulties, and you’re not working as a team. Is it time to end things?

There's a lot of difficulties. He's a "recovering" addict but recently starting slipping again. I also caught him attempting to flirt with a girl behind my back but she was having none of it and told me. It's all really taking it's tole on myself & the household. We just can't get along, he's always making such horrible remarks & calling me names. He really makes it out as if I do nothing but he doesn't see what goes on in the background, I'm up through the night with my 3 y/o as he doesn't sleep well & the baby too while he gets to sleep. I have a feeling this is the beginning of the end as the verbal stuff is an everyday occurrence now, I've called him out on it but it always goes back to the way it was by the end of that day.

OP posts:
America12 · 13/02/2023 03:55

I'd be tempted to go out for a couple of days and let him see how 'easy' it is.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/02/2023 03:58

Kick this fuckwit out. He's useless.

Topseyt123 · 13/02/2023 04:16

You need rid of him. Your life would then probably improve vastly.

Blueuggboots · 13/02/2023 04:45

Why are you with him??
Are you sure you have PND and not "twatty partner leaving everything to me disorder"??!

Summer2424 · 13/02/2023 04:49

Hi @Mommycool24 sorry you're going through this x
If there is anyway you can ignore his comments please do it.
Do not use the energy you have on him. Keep going, stay strong, you got this 💪❤

BrightSaturn · 13/02/2023 05:43

He sounds absolutely useless and he is not bringing anything positive to your life. Can you take the kids and stay with family for a few days?

Does he ever cook for you or help you round the house?

Shoxfordian · 13/02/2023 06:06

He’s a loser; you should end it before it gets worse

yukkamumma · 13/02/2023 07:54

I imagine your symptoms would improve vastly and quickly if this scumbag lived with his mother

GrazingSheep · 13/02/2023 08:06

Leave him for good this time.

gettingalifttothestation · 13/02/2023 09:16

What a waste of space he is. Tell him to stay at his mums you would be better off without him I'm sure

Mommycool24 · 13/02/2023 15:16

BrightSaturn · 13/02/2023 05:43

He sounds absolutely useless and he is not bringing anything positive to your life. Can you take the kids and stay with family for a few days?

Does he ever cook for you or help you round the house?

No he doesn't cook at all for me. He would maybe put rubbish into bins or tidy up toys the odd time but that's about the height of it. I do try really hard but it's very hard to get anything done with my child with ADHD he's very destructive & will literally come behind you and undo what you've just done. Which makes things very difficult when there's no one helping me with him while I try to get stuff done.

OP posts:
Carlycat · 13/02/2023 15:36

He sounds fucking useless. Get your ducks in order and get rid

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