Young adult daughter

[Seem2B]

I’m a single mum of a 23 yo daughter.
I had always been working school hours and then retraining. It was just the two of us from 3 yo until she was 16, when my 1 year boyfriend and us all moved in together in a lovely rented house.
My daughter was a difficult teenager and is a stubborn but wonderfully kind and loving adult, I have ensured I have kept her feeling loved and wanted and she did improve in her teen years and liked me being with someone and mostly having my boyfriend around us.
Her own father was uninterested and lazy in making any effort with her, which has caused a lot of loss and sadness over the years.

Anyway, I married my boyfriend, a charming successful wonderful funny and loving man. But as time went by he became more and more abusive emotionally and physically and cleverly manipulative towards me, causing me to feel like it was me ands I was going mad. On only a few occasions my daughter might hear him shouting at me but he was pretty careful around her and everyone else showing he was such a lovely guy.
I stupidly married him and fell for his love bombing of me, which could feel wonderful and make me think he was back to being himself. But at these times it was the because he wanted something or to control me. I now see this.

My daughter moved out at 19 to live with her boyfriend. My husband wanted to move out of the area to buy something together.
I basically made him leave by saying I would call the police and I divorced him after his last assault. I bought him out. He has drawn out every tiny thing and managed to get a huge amount of money from me in the divorce from me selling my house to buy our home.

I now live, in the flat we moved to which I put into making a beautiful home, and husband wasn’t there for long, but my daughter is over an hour away and cannot just pop in to see me or I her. I try and see her as much as I can from once a week to a fortnight and have always done so. I also like it here as feels like a fresh start sometimes.
But I just question my judgement on moving in the first place. She has her own life and we have been so close over the years because of it being just her and. I’m sure she also love the break from me daily.
I worry she is now making some strange life choices and seems to be making herself indispensable for her relationship with an obviously dodgy guy. I just feel a bit lost and helpless.
The questions in my mind, are:
should I move back? But she then said she might be moving anyway at some point in the future.
or just stay in regular contact and lovely meet ups, she does stay at times, and try to impart helpful talking between us.
Thank you for any advice.

Stay put and enjoy what you have, the visits, with/from your daughter.
Sounds like you have quality time with her & your communication is strong. This is so much more than many mums have.

Our children are only on loan to us. Just as your parents gave you the wings to fly (I presume) then she must fly, making her own mistakes along the way. She’s told you she might move in the future so sounds like she’d got an open mind about that. Give her the space for that decision whilst always being her confidante and friend albeit from a greater distance, if indeed it comes to that.

Yes, it’s a difficult one. I think my ex tried to isolate me from people coming here, but I like the area, he’s not around here now. I am quite isolated though. I don’t know anyone here. This has helped me in many ways to heal on my own and have privacy. (No walking down the street, crying or looking desolate by people, I know.I’m an introvert.)
I don’t want to uproot myself to move back only for her to then move away. Also, she is growing up, I need to let her make her own mistakes and have some breathing space. Friends there, but they are friends that I still see mostly the same amount as I would have done still living there. It’s a place I grew up and has mixed memories. I guess I feel guilty for leaving her there at 20 after she had been living with her bfriend for a year.

Should I be upset?
I moved to London a few years ago and have a few friends an hour and half away from where I moved from. I go down regularly for their meet ups, maybe once a fortnight or three weeks. But it was suggested by them a few months ago that they should make an effort and come and have an evening in London, about halfway between us.
Anyway, on the day we were meeting and had a lovely restaurant booked by the river. They cancelled saying they didn’t want to make the journey as it was too hot, but asked in their messages that I make the journey down instead. It took a while to sink in but I felt really upset that it seemed they couldn’t be bothered to make the journey after it being their idea. The restaurant and plans had been made with lots of messages and I just feel so disappointed and am questioning the friendships. I started to try and change my plans and make arrangements for pet sitter etc and then thought what am I doing? Do they not to see how unfair this seems.
I always go down there.
I did message the following day and said more clearly, I was really disappointed we didn’t meet last night, I was really looking forward to it. (I think they met locally themselves.)
Am I overreacting?

yoi sound like a lovely mother but you have to let her make her own life choices as you did