7 year old doesn’t want to see her dad

[Naralou]

Can anyone help me on this or has anyone been through a similar situation?
I have a 7 year old daughter and split from her dad 2 years ago. We are now divorced but he is causing major issues as he doesn’t like me being with my new partner. All that aside, my daughter is refusing to see her dad, to the point of her almost having a panic attack when she is meant to see him. I think I know why, but I’m short she has witnessed her dad having many mental breakdowns and him getting very angry infront of her, and she remembers it all. Not only about me being with my new partner but other times also. I have asked her why she doesn’t want to go to his and it’s the same answer every time, because he will be mean about my new partner and he calls him
names and threatens to kill him. Her dad isn’t taking any of this on board and continues to become irate infront of her when she’s at his. I have had him calling the police and social on us about petty things and he keeps threatening to do so again (note that I have spoken to socia and police and explained everything, I’ve even gone to the police myself regarding his behaviour and they have a record of what he’s like).
the issue I’m facing now is he’s demanding he sees her, not just when he picks her up from school but on weekends also. I have never stopped this but when my daughter is having a full on meltdown and crying because she doesn’t want to go, I have gone there with her and have had to take her back home again as she wouldn’t stay. He is now saying he wants official arranged contact. Where do I stand on this? What would the courts say and do they try and help the child if they don’t want to go? I have no way ever stopped him from seeing her or even had a thought of it. But how can I make her go if the courts decide he sees her on set days and will I be in trouble if I can’t make her? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

I'm so sorry.
He does have the right to ask a court to order contact and you can be dealt with severely by the law if you don't comply. It isn't relevant to them that your child is upset. The courts might think you are upsetting her to get at him and the whole 'Families need Fathers' rhetoric kicks in.

On the other hand, if you can prove he is a risk to her, you can get CAFCASS and Social Services involved urgently. If you have evidence of involvement with police or other agencies on domestic violence, you can get Legal Aid to help you do this.

Courts tend to set aside threats and violence towards the mother, but will take seriously if it's directed towards the child, or happens openly in her presence. Again, you will need proof of this.

Get onto Social Services immediately. There are options for him to have supervised contact in a centre if he's assessed as a risk, but otherwise he can insist on taking your daughter for unsupervised, overnight contact with the threat of calling police on you if you resist. Don't delay getting proactive on this.

If the courts do insist on contact, can you ask that it's in a contact centre where she can play first and he would be supervised so he can't say those horrible things to her.

The poor kid, no kid should be forced but courts do.

If I were you I would begin noting all the things you've mentioned in a diary that you buy especially to log this stuff.

Threats to kill your new partner are serious and personally I would be wanting to put a stop to this and get police involved as that is a crime.

I'd then be making her available for contact, dressed, bag packed, take a picture with a timestamp then if she refused not force her, let dad know, and leave it at that.

I'd cease communication with dad that wasn't practical, so only responding directly about contact.

I'd let him go to court and I'd then use the log to form my position statement linked to the Welfare Checklist which would include alienation of your step parent, assault (threats to kill), arrests, and the fact you had made her available every single time.

You aren't obligated to make a child go to contact. You are obligated to make them available and encourage them to go.

A court process would not be nice but provided you knew how to navigate it you wouldn't come off too badly.

Does he have the time, inclination, and money to apply to and follow through on court? Would be self-represent or would he be hiring solicitors?