Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

[Lulu2525]

Hi everyone, I suppose by posting here I’m looking for a little bit of a hand hold and to feel not alone, and to feel like this is okay.

Basically, I started seeing a guy 5 months ago and we’ve been officially together for 2 months. He is amazing, he is so thoughtful, kind, funny, we get on so well, he’s gorgeous… all the things I thought I wanted in a man. But the thing is, I’m just not feeling it. I don’t feel the ‘spark’. I really do care about him, but I just don’t have the feelings that I’ve felt for previous partners, and I don’t feel how I should feel. I know I shouldn’t have let it carry on this long, but I was just hoping that the deep feelings and deep connection would come as he is so perfect - but they haven’t.

I’m 28 years old, and even though I know I’m still young, I do want to have a family etc and I know that I shouldn’t be ‘wasting time’ with someone who isn’t for me. Even though he genuinely does make me happy, it just doesn’t feel right.

I know I need to break things off, and it will hurt me but also I feel so bad about how much I will hurt him. I know how much he cares about me and he sees a future with me, we’ve never argued etc and so it will be very out of the blue for him. I don’t know how to do it and I’ve never actually broken up with anyone before; I’ve always been the one who got dumped. I feel so awful.

Have any of you here ever broken up with a really great guy? How did you do it and how do you deal with the guilt?

Yes and I could have written this post. I was with a guy I knew all my life and I some how fell in to a relationship with him, we got on great and shared interests but he'd always liked me romantically and I always liked him as a friend but it got too deep and I couldn't get out. I tried phasing it out but it didn't work and then I just couldn't take anymore. He would text me every morning soppy messages and when they're not reciprocated it just made me feel worse. Anyway, worse timing ever but it had to be done, a few days before his birthday I dropped him home and I said I can't do this I don't love you, he begged etc but he just couldn't change my mind. We had a holiday booked the following month and it was my birthday - he got me a non returnable gift which made me feel even more horrendous. He was such a lovely person and his heart was in the right place but he was just 'too nice' which I know sounds ridiculous but it's true.

Just bite the bullet and do it, life is too short to spare his feelings, put yourself first.

Guilt is awful isn't it, but you should never stay in a relationship if you aren't happy, even if they are lovely. My ex was awful. I had child with him and left when he was tiny. He used to beat me, sexually abused me and treated me like dirt. Even I felt guilty when I left. It ate me up. So I suspect what you're feeling is normal - even more so if he is a decent guy. But, it WILL fade.

Real love is a slow burner over time. Toxic relationships are the kind that start off more intense and then fizzle out. You’re saying what a great guy he is and how he makes you happy, are you sure you’re just not used to a healthy relationship? Is it because he’s not love bombing you and then withdrawing to make you feel addicted to his attention?