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partners friendship with ex

9 replies

Sarakelly232 · 11/02/2023 18:47

Hi guys,
been dating a guy for 7 months all going swimmingly other than my concern with his friendship with his ex. he had a five year relationship end just over a year ago. She ended it with him but he says he agreed it was for the best. He says they were living togeather as friends for the last 7/8 months before it ended.
her name used to come up every other time we saw each other in the first few months which led me to ask him if he was over her to which he replied ‘I think so, just as friends’. Around three months in to our relationship he met up 1 and 1 with her which at the time he mentioned the day after. He said they are finally at a place where they can be friends..yet only a week before he had said ‘he thinks he is over her’ which didn’t fill me with confidence and her name was coming up fairly regularly in conversation.
since this occasion he has met with her once a month for drinks. I have aired that it makes me anxious to which he has said he is with me now and I need to trust him to which I agree. We see each other 3/4 times a week and he sees her once a month. He says if it’s not to awkward we should meet at a point in time.
im an anxious person in general but my head is spinning. Does this sound like a healthy friendship or not? To me a need to see each other once a month seems a lot?! Am I over thinking this?
just to add they share no kids etc and moved to this city togeather. He openly says mutual friends find it weird they are able to be friends.
would very much appreciate everyone’s advice :)

OP posts:
Fidgety31 · 11/02/2023 19:03

I think if she clicked her fingers and asked him back - he would go running .

ZekeZeke · 11/02/2023 19:08

His response to you asking if he is over her is very wishy washy so no, I wouldn't be happy with him meeting his ex monthly.

Sounds like he isn't over her.

Nagado · 11/02/2023 19:38

He ‘thinks’ he’s over her? Sod that for a game of soldiers.

The meeting each other thing is just plain weird. It sounds like he wants to prove to her that he can live without her and that other women still find him desirable. The fact that he feels the need to do this pretty much confirms he’s nowhere near over her.

I do think you can be just friends with an ex. I am with a couple of mine (although I don’t see them that regularly because I’d rather spend my free time with my DH and they’d rather spend theirs with their partners). But the reason these friendships work is because wild horses wouldn’t drag me or them back there. You cannot have a friendship if either of you still have any lingering feelings.

Moser85 · 11/02/2023 19:44

It's possible to be friends with an ex, but no one except the 2 people involved really understand the relationship that they have.

Did he get his heart broken? Men rarely fully get over someone who broke their heart.

I personally wouldn't be ok with this. I wouldn't tell him not to meet her, I'd just end the relationship!

Fuckstix · 11/02/2023 19:53

You can be friends with an ex. I am with one. He's great. If I was asked 'are you over 'Joe'', then I would reply 'yes. 100%. He's a friend now and that's that'.

Your partner did not reply in this vein. He replied uncertainly and has proceeded to spend time with her regularly alone. I'll be honest, it sounds as though you're a bit part player in the next phase of their relationship, whether it's genuinely no longer romantic or he's hoping it might be again one day. If he likes you and is serious about giving things a chance with you then he should be giving your relationship growing room, seeing as he isn't certain he's over her.

He's been using you as a sounding board about her/ their relationship and quite honestly I think the way you're feeling is telling you something.

Moobae · 12/02/2023 03:26

Do not entertain men who speak to their exes there is NO reason for this,

Summer2424 · 12/02/2023 04:16

Hi @Sarakelly232 i'm so sorry tbh i wouldn't be happy at all about them talking, texting or meeting up. I'm sure he wouldn't be happy if you were in contact with your ex.

plumduck · 12/02/2023 04:19

yet only a week before he had said ‘he thinks he is over her run

PardonmemynameisAlice · 12/02/2023 04:30

I'm friends with my ex, it doesn't have to be weird. I would never go back there but we work fine as friends.

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