BF and his illness

[BounceyB]

My boyfriend has been unwell this week with vomiting and diarrhoea. We were meant to be celebrating 1 year together today.
However, last night he sent me a message saying that he had been unwell over night so we wouldn't see each other although I was welcome to come over.

Fast forward to this morning, I tried to call him twice to make am arrangement to go and see him - his phone was off.
In the end I sent a message saying I would come over.
I expected him to reply which he didn't.
I took it to mean he was still feeling unwell.

Just spoke to him now and was asked "Where are you?"
He thought I should have just turned up on his doorstep.
I told him I wasn't a mind reader and he needs to tell me what he needs from me. I feel terrible - we've now both had shit days and both feel miserable. We're not not talking.

Was I being unreasonable for expecting him to communicate better? And should I have known? He's been a different person this week and I actually am not sure how to deal with it. Can someone please help?

Hmm I can see both sides. It's not unreasonable to assume he's still unwell and to wait to hear from him regarding going over. On the other hand his phone being off might have concerned me and made me want to check on him. Maybe by turning his phone off he was hoping you would be worried and show your concern by turning up? Either way he does seem to think you should have assumed you could go over. He isnt a child and should communicate his needs. I think you need to discuss this with him and explain that if he wants you to go over to make that clear beforehand.

Why on earth would he want you at his house when he is exploding? And you would be likely to catch it. How selfish of him!

Yes, part of me thinks he should have communicated better but there's another part of me that thinks I should have known him better too.

Yeah. That's really mean.

V&D can be highly contagious, why would you want to see him?

Why would you still wanna go over. Risk catching it

Sorry but he’s selfish. I wouldn’t want anyone round while I’m suffering with D+V it’s horrific and I also wouldn’t want to pass it on. You can celebrate another day.

Why on earth would he want you to visit if he has V & D ... if he is that unwell, or even just recovering, surely the sensible thing is to be on your own? And if he is now 'not speaking to you' because of that he doesn't sound much of a keeper.

The last thing you should be doing is visiting someone with D&V, and anyone with it would be mad to suggest someone should come over. Which kinda makes me wonder if he really did have D&V - mind you, knowing that, why on earth text you'd go over. The correct response should be" It's OK, should wait 48 hours from last symptoms before mixing". Which is probably what he expected. It's a common excuse to enable yourself to be free to do whatever. Could be genuine, but the change to invite you over makes it seem like his other plans fell through so invited you round.

You told him you were coming over. You really should have asked if it was ok for you to come over.

He needs to grow up. If he was so unwell he couldn't type a tiny text out I mean that's v concerning!

In the big scheme of things there isn't that much to deal with is there OP?

He has "been a different person" this week because he has been ill.

Miscommunication and you both are taking the hump with each other. This happens in all relationships.

I would huff and puff with friends, let him huff and puff to his mates, and have a chat if you feel the need once he's well. If I was ill and bf wanted some crazy conversation about some miscommunication whilst I was still ill I would be a bit cross.

You did say "I would come over" and then didn't. Don't you feel you might say sorry about this.

No way I'd go over to catch that! And I also can't fathom how he'd want you around (unless he's not ill and it's a story).
The one time me and DH had the bug at the same time, I was vomiting into a bucket, whilst he shat the bed next to me... 😂 I suppose it's a 1 year anniversary to remember 😂

I think it isnt on you to know if you should or should not have turned up because when people are sick they can act in any way.. some people want to be left alone and others want company and it can change depending on the nature of the illness. You messaged, he didnt reply so im assuming you didnt show up and he is in a huff as you didnt just show up? Well you could have shown up randomly for him to not want you there anyway!

like others said, this is Sickness and Diarrhoea so possibly Norovirus which is highly contagious so it would make more sense to not have visitors full stop!

I currently have Bronchitis or some other similar issue and am pregnant so cannot be given anything for it. My partner and I live together so im trying my best to not pass it on to her as best as possible! She forgets and tries to get a kiss or wants me to hold something but i have just had a coughing attack covering with my hands and it is down to me to make sure i dont cross contaminate as its not going to be the first thing on my partners mind as she feels perfectly fine! The fact i feel like utter shit reminds me to keep it to myself! Your partner i feel was rather insensitive because what if you did show up and become sick next? Would he just blow it off like “oh well we all get sick, you will recover!” Knowing you would be fine if it wasnt for him!

Dont beat yourself up and when he gets better speak to him about the clarity needed as like you said your not a mind reader and are not taking any risks.